You have probably heard from your wife, relationship experts, psychologists and multiple TV shows that “it is healthy to talk about your feelings.” The problem here is that to talk about your feelings effectively, you first need to know what they are. Then, you need to believe that your feelings are actually a good indicator of what is happening. Often, people confuse their feelings with their emotions and assume that if they just get their emotions out in the open, things somehow will get better. You have probably tried it and know from your experience that they won’t. One of the reasons for it is that just letting your emotions…

Affect is an immediate emotional response to an event, behavior or situation. Often, your responses are automatic and happen before you can even think about them. You simply start feeling emotions and respond. In many cases, your responses are rooted in your biology. Sometimes it’s your personality type and sometimes it’s your learned behaviors. No matter how you acquired them, they are there to help you deal with what is happening. This is especially true when you feel that there is some kind of danger. Danger can be psychological or physical. It can be dealing with a frustrated boss at work or trying to avoid a car accident. Your body…

When couples sync on an emotional level, they can grow very close to each other. This proximity manifests itself both physically, through eye contact, holding hands and touching, and emotionally, for example, by listening actively, offering emotional support, showing empathy. Married couples that share emotional moments are able to grow both together as couples and as individuals. Understanding emotional insecurity The feelings of security and attachment in marriage work like a warning mechanism. When one of the partners feels stress or threat, he or she starts seeking care and comfort with the spouse. In marriages with attachment and security present, spouses depend on each other when it comes to dealing…

There are three basic ways of how people in marriage cope during the times of stress while not receiving support from their partner. Spouses turn to these strategies in hopes of being able to manage the stress that they feel.   Being anxious This coping strategy is based on trying to relate to the spouse in a way that lacks confidence. A partner dealing with stress would seek connection and assurance, but do it in a way that comes off as anxious, needy or dependent. Partners who use this strategy are typically having a lot of negative thoughts and emotions. If this is how your partner perceives you when you…

Since our early childhood, we hear so many things about marriage that we grow up with fantasies about ‘And they happily lived ever after’ phase post marriage. And as we enter adolescence, our hormones push us to search for a partner for life. What remains uncovered behind these fantasies and urge is the actual essence of the relationship called marriage. We don’t realize that marriage is not just about making love or walking miles hand in hand; it is also about sharing responsibilities. But until we understand this part, it is often too late! Either it results in a broken relationship or so many fissures and crevices that are difficult…

Connecting at a deep level can only happen when both partners take risks at becoming vulnerable with each other. The connection also requires staying in contact and supporting each other while navigating sensitive emotions. When spouses learn to successfully deal with risky and sometimes painful emotions, they discover new heights and new levels of peace in their relationships. The three keys for connecting and staying in sync are eye contact, touch, and the ability to stay present, slow down and pay attention to the partner. Studies show that spouses who feel secure in their marriages are very likely to reach to their partner for emotional support and communicate very effectively.