Things to Discuss Before Marriage: 50 Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do”
Last updated October 30, 2026 by the Marriage Bliss Editorial Team.
The most important things to discuss before marriage are the ones couples tend to avoid: money, kids, careers, religion, family and how you handle conflict. Talking about them before the wedding won’t guarantee a perfect marriage, but it prevents a lot of painful surprises later.
Here are the big topics every couple should cover, plus 50 questions to ask before marriage.
Why talk about these before marriage?
Many conflicts in the first years of marriage come from expectations nobody said out loud: who handles money, whether you’ll have kids, how often you’ll see family. Talking early lets you find disagreements while there’s still time to work through them, or to realize you need help.
Money
- How much debt do you have, and what kind?
- What’s your credit score?
- Are you a saver or a spender?
- Should we combine finances, keep them separate, or both?
- How much can either of us spend without checking first?
- What are your biggest financial goals?
- Will we help our parents financially if they need it?
- Do you want a prenup?
More on this: managing money in marriage.
Children and parenting
- Do you want kids? How many, and when?
- What if we have trouble getting pregnant?
- How do you feel about adoption?
- Will one of us stay home, or both work?
- How were you disciplined, and what would you do differently?
- What values do you want to pass on?
Careers and lifestyle
- Where do you see your career in five and ten years?
- Would you relocate for a job?
- Where do you want to live long term?
- City, suburbs or country?
- How much do you want to travel?
- What does a perfect weekend look like?
Family and in-laws
- How often do you expect to see your family?
- How will we split holidays?
- Would you ever want a parent to live with us?
- What boundaries do we need with our families?
See dealing with in-laws.
Household and daily life
- How should we divide chores?
- Who cooks? Who cleans?
- Do you want pets?
- Are you a morning person or a night owl?
- How much alone time do you need?
- How do you feel about friends of the opposite sex?
Communication and conflict
- How did your parents handle conflict?
- What do you need when you’re upset: space or talking?
- How do you prefer to receive an apology?
- What’s your love language?
- Would you be open to couples counseling if we struggled?
- What’s a dealbreaker for you in a marriage?
Intimacy
- How important is sex to you?
- How often would you ideally want to be intimate?
- What makes you feel loved and desired?
- How should we talk about it if our needs differ?
- What does faithfulness mean to you, including online?
Faith, values and the future
- What role will religion or spirituality play in our home?
- Will we raise kids in a faith?
- What are your political or social non-negotiables?
- What does a successful life look like to you?
- How do you want to grow old together?
- What are you most afraid of in marriage?
- What did you learn from your parents’ marriage?
- What do you want our marriage to look like in 20 years?
- Why do you want to marry me?
Consider premarital counseling
A premarital counselor or class guides you through these topics and teaches communication skills you’ll use for life. Many couples find it one of the best investments they make. For what comes next, read first year of marriage problems and things that change after marriage.
Already married? See marriage advice for newlyweds.
How to have these conversations without fighting
- Pick one topic at a time instead of 50 questions in one night.
- Make it a date: a walk, coffee or a long drive.
- Answer separately first, then compare.
- Listen for the “why” behind each answer.
- Write down decisions and any topics to revisit.
Dealbreakers vs. differences you can work with
| Usually workable | Often harder to bridge |
|---|---|
| Neat vs. messy | Wanting kids vs. not wanting kids |
| Saver vs. spender | Hidden debt or dishonesty about money |
| Different holiday traditions | Fundamentally different values about faithfulness |
| Morning person vs. night owl | Different expectations about where to live, long term |
Differences aren’t a red flag by themselves. What matters is whether you can talk about them honestly and find a plan you both accept.
Her side, his side
Her side: “I assumed we’d split everything at home. We’d never actually talked about it.”
His side: “I thought money would sort itself out. Talking about it before the wedding saved us a lot of fights.”
See also marriage advice for newlyweds, managing expectations and what changes when you get married.
Want more on this topic? See our guide to engagement, newlyweds and in-laws.
Frequently asked questions
What should couples talk about before marriage?
Money, kids, careers, where to live, family boundaries, chores, conflict styles, intimacy and values.
Is premarital counseling worth it?
Many couples find it valuable for surfacing differences early and learning communication skills.
What if we disagree on a big question before marriage?
Talk it through, ideally with a counselor. Some differences can be worked out; others, like wanting kids or not, may be dealbreakers worth facing now.
The bottom line
The conversations you have before marriage shape the one you build after it. Talk through money, kids, family, chores and values one topic at a time, listen for the reasons behind each answer and agree on a plan you both own.
