5 Steps to Conquering Deep Shame


Shame can block you from experiencing other emotions and prevent you from communicating with your spouse. For a change to happen, you need to accept that something is wrong and then deal with your other feelings.

The problem with shame is that shame is about acceptance. If you don’t accept yourself and believe that others are rejecting you, working on these beliefs may take time. Other feelings, such as fear, vulnerability and anger are easier to work with. However, the process of dealing with these feelings and moving to this level of vulnerability requires extreme care.

From this article you will learn about 5 steps that can help you work through your shame.


  1. Face the fears in your pain

You should start with accepting the fact that if you let go of your shame, you will most likely feel hopeless and helpless. What you need to do is trust both yourself and your spouse. At certain points you may get overwhelmed with emotions but allowing yourself to experience them is the only way to get through getting stuck in shame.


  1. Become aware of what is blocking you from experiencing pain

When you allow yourself to feel the pain, you may also start experiencing other emotions such as anger or sadness. You may be upset about certain events that happened in your past and you may feel fear about getting upset. Shame can push all of these emotions down into you because it will be telling you that you should not feel this way.


  1. Let go of what blocks the pain

When you see your pain more clearly, you will also be able to see what and how you were doing to cope with it. It is possible that you will see themes of failure, sadness and anger. When you see these emotions and the ways they’ve been distracting you from dealing with pain, you will be free to let them go. This requires getting to a new level of vulnerability because without the shame you will see yourself and others in a new way.

If you can see yourself experiencing fear and pain, you can see yourself as worthy of compassion. This is probably something you were not noticing when you were feeling shame.

  1. Express your emotions

When you let your emotions out, you will be able to get clarity on how you perceive others and yourself. If you get angry about the events that happened in your past, it says something not only about people and situations that you had to deal with, but also about how you feel about your value.

Shame is an emotion that covers other emotions. It protects you by not allowing you access to experiences that you find no acceptable. When you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, you will be able to adapt and grow.


  1. Face yourself

The process of letting your shame, pain and fears go can renew your awareness about your self-worth. As you work through your shame and pain, you’ll be able to communicate better about your needs, wants and interests.