Advice
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How To Listen Without Getting Defensive
Understanding your partner requires the capacity to listen. Really listen. Couples are advised to hear each other’s complaints without feeling attacked, and as great as this sounds, it’s often unrealistic. When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt with, “That wasn’t my intention. You’re misunderstanding me,” even before your partner is done talking. Unfortunately, when the listener reacts to what the speaker is saying before the speaker gets the chance to fully explain themselves, both partners are left feeling misunderstood. This is why the N in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model stands for Non-defensive listening. The defensive reaction For most of…
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America, Take A Good, Hard Look At What You’re Doing To Working Mothers
Americans may have the edge on Olympic medals, fast food chains and Broadway musicals, but we’re severely lacking in the parental leave department. In Sweden, women are given a full year off to heal properly and bond with their child(ren). If they have more than one child, they are given that same amount of time per child. In the United States, we’re lucky if we get a few days, a week, a month, or 90 days before the threat of not returning means the loss of employment, housing, stability, health insurance, and additional burdens. If you work for yourself or own a small business, the luxury of a few days…
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These Jobs Have the Highest Rates of Divorce for People Under 30
In the United States, divorce rates are pretty staggering, although they aren’t the highest in the world. (You can call the Maldives international divorce champions). All the couple’s therapy in America can’t atone for a near 50% divorce rate, but there’s certainly one thing that paints a clearer picture of why some couples split: their jobs. From the career guidance site Zippia, comes a data set portraying divorce rates according to job and industry for people under 30. Using Public Use Microsample Data from the US Census Bureau, the data indicates which industries are most prone to collapsing a marriage, and it isn’t particularly surprising to see military trades standing atop the mountain of…
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7 Things That Happy Couples Do When They Fight
Fair fighting rule: A positive environment minimizes a destructive fight Create the right environment so that when a conflict does occur, it is not overwhelming. To do this, partners need to respond regularly to one another in a positive fashion. We all yearn to love and be loved, to be seen, heard, and known—to matter. These yearnings are calls for attention: those everyday moments when we share a thought, an observation, an “I love you,” and we hope or expect our partner will respond with a laugh, a hug, or an acknowledgment. Couples whose interactions are brimming with these sort of positive exchanges create an atmosphere over time that tips the…
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10 Wise Quotes You Can Use to Stop an Argument In Its Tracks
“Let the angry word be answered only with a kiss.” —Thomas Hill, writer “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” —Andrea Wachter, marriage counselor “If you can’t say something nice, say it in French.” —Anonymous “Be calm in arguing for fierceness makes error a fault and truth discourtesy.” —George Herbert, poet “Silence is never more golden than when a quarrel is brewing.” —Clifford Adams, marriage counselor More on next page…
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This Bride Had No Idea Date Night Was Actually Her Wedding Night
Late last month, Jenn and Lorenzo Trujillo of Leesburg, Virginia got their marriage license but had no definite plans for their wedding day. “I really just thought we would go visit the justice of the peace with a couple of friends and do it at the courthouse,” said Jenn, who ― along with Lorenzo ― is a member of the U.S. Army Band. The happy couple have been together for two and a half years. On July 7, Lorenzo pulled off the surprise of a lifetime: Under the guise of just another date night, Lorenzo threw a surprise wedding for Jenn. Surprise! The wedding is tonight. With the help of the couple’s…
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5 Powerfully Simple Ways to Diffuse a Fight With Your Partner
Cushion your blows (literally) A study from MIT, Harvard, and Yale shows that people are more flexible and accommodating when they sit on cushioned surfaces. Bruce Feiler, author of Secrets of Happy Families, suggests moving heated conversations to a sofa or chairs with padded seats. Start your sentences with this magic word To take an argument down a notch, start sentences with “I” not “you,” suggests Linda Hill, professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. “This will help the other person see your perspective and understand that you’re not trying to blame them for the problem,” she told HBR.org. Ask these questions Rather than thinking about what you want…
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15 Things This Divorce Lawyer Wants All Married People To Know
Marriages go up and down with the economy Tough times makes for tough relationships, says Robert J. Lewis, Esq., a divorce lawyer at Davidoff Hutcher & Citron LLP, in New York City. “Finances are one of the main stresses on a relationship and I saw a lot of fights over money during the recession of 2008,” he explains. But paradoxically this may offer some protection to fragile relationships as divorce rates declined slightly in the America during the Great Recession of the last decade. Why? It’s simple, Lewis says: Two households are always more expensive than one and in tough times practically trumps love. It’s not about the 20-year-old hottie Do you feel like…
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18 Couples Who Are So Freaking In Love It’ll Make You Smile
This creative girlfriend. Twitter: @lexieatsass 2. This genius couple. Twitter: @bathemeinnudes 3. And this dedicated prom date. Twitter: @claire_short_13 4. This boyfriend who found a creative outlet. Twitter: @cesartorres1198 5. And this couple who took bouquets to a new level. I told him I didn’t like flowers, so he got me a bouquet of chicken nuggets, and I pretty much became the happiest girl on the planet 6. These incredibly extra phone wallpapers. My baby blows me a kiss every time I unlock my phone 7. This boyfriend’s excellent design skills. View image on Twitter My boyfriend drew me a Tim Burton themed photo of him and I, with a quote from one of his movies.…
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How to Keep Your Marriage Strong When Kids Arrive
Babies are a big blessing to a couple, of course, but things change when they come. This happens to almost every couple and it is a bad thing. A baby craves the attention of the mother all the times and it’s upon the couple to acknowledge this fact and learn how to cope. After all, a baby will stop being one when he or she turns eighteen years old. So, a couple has to find solid ways to stay united even when kids arrive. This is not easy, though, and can easily lead to endless fights and blame games. If a couple doesn’t seek help, the relationship could end. A…
