Marriage Bliss

By Kyle Benson One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As a psychologist, Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!” Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard. How did it feel to be seen as you were? The last letter in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model is E and it stands for Empathy. Brené Brown describes empathy beautifully in this brief animated video. [embedded content] Empathy is the willingness…

People who know me well, know I had one helluva upbringing and early life. To some, the horrors of adoption, prison, drug addiction, and divorce are unfathomable. To me, they were just a part of growing up and doing this thing we call life. Those who know me and are aware of my current success always ask me, “If you had to do it all over again, what would you do differently?” I think the question they really want to ask is, “Was all that pain and suffering worth the success you have today?” Now, of course, the answer is YES. But as I was enduring the pain and suffering,…

[embedded content] There are some things that you just don’t say on first dates. Or, ever, actually.  One chap appearing on an episode of Channel 4’s reality dating show First Dates has provided us with a lesson in what not to say on a date. After telling a highly underwhelming story about the origins of the Negroni cocktail, he made ignorant remarks relating to his date’s race and religion.  When he asked his date if he was feeling nervous, he steered the conversation in a very coarse direction.  “How close were you to shitting your pants do you reckon?” he asked his date. Cue: silence.  Yikes. 

To land a job Daxiao Productions/Shutterstock You’ve already pinpointed the one thing employers want to see on your resume and have memorized the one thing never to say in a job interview, but your stomach is still churning. Instead of pretending to be poised in the waiting room, run through a couple of power poses—such as raising your arms in a V or standing with your hands on your hips—in the bathroom or elevator. Research from social psychologist Amy Cuddy has shown that holding these postures for just two minutes can lower stress and increase feelings of power. Or try one of these tricks for boosting self-confidence. To connect with…

Falling in love is a powerful thing. You may be feeling things you have never felt before and are certain you will never feel again. At any age, this is an exciting phase of a relationship. So what happens when you are so swept up in this emotion that you determine it is time to make things official and get married? Well, at a certain age, this step makes perfect sense. You are able to contemplate the weightiness of all the new aspects of your future, like money, kids, and careers. You make a plan that incorporates the things that are important to you both. No matter your age, at…

— This morning I was listening to a radio interview. It seemed to be glorifying the work of a modern war reporter. She was talking about all sorts of war zones, almost like memorable restaurants. Then, I got it. We glorify and obsess about the war in our daily media, movies, and books. I fall for it every time; I love reading and watching it. What is our endless fascination with this stuff? Our need for high drama, heroes, and evil villains—our need to escape from boring normalcy, endless lives of quiet desperation. I read lots of history, it’s almost all about wars, endless cruelty, man’s inhumanity to man—the screaming…

When to start eating: Emma Kapotes/Rd.com, iStock/Naddiya If you’re seated at a table with eight or fewer guests, wait until everyone is served and for the hostess to begin eating before you dig in. At a long banquet table, it’s OK to start when several people are seated and served. These are little etiquette rules to follow when you’re a guest in someone’s house. What to keep off the table: Emma Kapotes/Rd.com, iStock/Naddiya All items not having to do with food (and decoration) should remain off the table: keys, clutch bags, sunglasses, and especially phones. When to text: Emma Kapotes/Rd.com, iStock/Naddiya “If you’re in a situation where you’d excuse yourself to go…

As much as we desire to be connected to others—good friendships, a wonderful romantic relationship, close family members—this connection always comes at a cost. We get frustrated by other people. You know it’s true. You might be really good friends with someone, but then they get angry at you for some reason, or they behave without consideration, and all of a sudden, your mood is much darker. You’re not happy with them, maybe they’re not happy with you. Things can go sour very quickly. This is such a difficult problem that you could devote entire books to ways of working out these kinds of conflicts and frustrations. But I have…

By Jami Ingledue My husband and I thought we had this whole equal marriage thing figured out. We are a modern couple, after all. He is perfectly capable of cooking and cleaning. I know how to use a drill and do yard work. There were times I worked full time and he took care of the house, and there were times when he worked more and I picked up more of the load. Equality. An egalitarian partnership. Occasionally we had to work some things out, but overall: no problem. And then we had kids. It’s impossible to describe just how much the workload increases when the kids come along. But…

by Amina H. Imagine going through life feeling like a foreigner among your people. Imagine being called, “weird, abnormal, strange.” Imagine locking yourself in your room crying because you feel like nobody understands you. Imagine hating yourself because desperately want to change and conform, yet you just can’t…. A lot of people identify that as how it feels like to be a teenager. They understand the period will pass and things would be fine. Unless you grow up in a society where conforming is the rule of the game, and you live your life in line with what people expect of you. So when you grow up differently, you hear…