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How to Discover Your Core Intimacy Gifts
Young or old, single or coupled, each of us is faced with the great challenge of learning to love. At the heart of our entire journey to intimacy lie what I call our Core Gifts, the parts of ourselves which are most sensitive to the joys, pains and nuances of intimacy. Understanding our unique Core Gifts gives us a key to understanding our entire relationship lives–and ourselves- in a much deeper way. Two simple questions will help you discover your own Core Gifts. As I describe in my upcoming book Deeper Dating, our Core Gifts are our points of greatest sensitivity in our lives and our relationships. We find them in the things that inspire, soothe and…
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Secrets To A Happy Marriage From A 99-Year-Old Couple On Their 80th Wedding Anniversary
Donald and Vivian Hart of Grand Rapids, Michigan, know a thing or two about nurturing a long and happy marriage. The 99-year-olds celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary last week. The couple, reminiscing on their lives together, shared some words of wisdom on how they’ve kept the spark alive. “It’s good to laugh together,” Donald, a World War II veteran, told ABC News during a family celebration of the major milestone. “Have fun with each other, but don’t make jokes at the expense of the other.” “Always be sure to put God first in your life,” Vivian added. “Be always willing to help and stay alert to your spouse … We…
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The Idea That You’ve Met ‘The One’ is a Myth
In an arresting scene in the movie No Country for Old Men, the sociopathic killer Anton Chigurh asks a gas station attendant: what’s the most you’ve ever lost in a coin toss? Chigurh poses the question after an eerie and menacing exchange that begins when the attendant, having observed that Chigurh is coming from Dallas, asks if there’s been any rain up his way. Chigurh is on the hunt for someone who has run off with a few million dollars of drug money, but he is a lawless rogue rather than an officer of the law, and he chafes at the impertinence of a man who seems to want to…
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Here Are 59 Household Hacks That Will Make Your Spouse Believe You’re A Genius
I used to do this when I worked at a fast food joint in high school. Totally works! I’ve tried this one. I love it. This will save me 5 bucks for buying something that does the exact same thing from Home Depot. I’m so gonna try this one. This is an awesome idea. Ours are all held together with rubber bands. I used a rolled up sheet for my son, but this is brilliant! My wife did this but with kids snacks. I think this is awesome as well. So gonna try this one. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve…
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How To Listen Without Getting Defensive
Understanding your partner requires the capacity to listen. Really listen. Couples are advised to hear each other’s complaints without feeling attacked, and as great as this sounds, it’s often unrealistic. When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt with, “That wasn’t my intention. You’re misunderstanding me,” even before your partner is done talking. Unfortunately, when the listener reacts to what the speaker is saying before the speaker gets the chance to fully explain themselves, both partners are left feeling misunderstood. This is why the N in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model stands for Non-defensive listening. The defensive reaction For most of…
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America, Take A Good, Hard Look At What You’re Doing To Working Mothers
Americans may have the edge on Olympic medals, fast food chains and Broadway musicals, but we’re severely lacking in the parental leave department. In Sweden, women are given a full year off to heal properly and bond with their child(ren). If they have more than one child, they are given that same amount of time per child. In the United States, we’re lucky if we get a few days, a week, a month, or 90 days before the threat of not returning means the loss of employment, housing, stability, health insurance, and additional burdens. If you work for yourself or own a small business, the luxury of a few days…
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These Jobs Have the Highest Rates of Divorce for People Under 30
In the United States, divorce rates are pretty staggering, although they aren’t the highest in the world. (You can call the Maldives international divorce champions). All the couple’s therapy in America can’t atone for a near 50% divorce rate, but there’s certainly one thing that paints a clearer picture of why some couples split: their jobs. From the career guidance site Zippia, comes a data set portraying divorce rates according to job and industry for people under 30. Using Public Use Microsample Data from the US Census Bureau, the data indicates which industries are most prone to collapsing a marriage, and it isn’t particularly surprising to see military trades standing atop the mountain of…
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7 Things That Happy Couples Do When They Fight
Fair fighting rule: A positive environment minimizes a destructive fight Create the right environment so that when a conflict does occur, it is not overwhelming. To do this, partners need to respond regularly to one another in a positive fashion. We all yearn to love and be loved, to be seen, heard, and known—to matter. These yearnings are calls for attention: those everyday moments when we share a thought, an observation, an “I love you,” and we hope or expect our partner will respond with a laugh, a hug, or an acknowledgment. Couples whose interactions are brimming with these sort of positive exchanges create an atmosphere over time that tips the…
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10 Wise Quotes You Can Use to Stop an Argument In Its Tracks
“Let the angry word be answered only with a kiss.” —Thomas Hill, writer “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” —Andrea Wachter, marriage counselor “If you can’t say something nice, say it in French.” —Anonymous “Be calm in arguing for fierceness makes error a fault and truth discourtesy.” —George Herbert, poet “Silence is never more golden than when a quarrel is brewing.” —Clifford Adams, marriage counselor More on next page…
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This Bride Had No Idea Date Night Was Actually Her Wedding Night
Late last month, Jenn and Lorenzo Trujillo of Leesburg, Virginia got their marriage license but had no definite plans for their wedding day. “I really just thought we would go visit the justice of the peace with a couple of friends and do it at the courthouse,” said Jenn, who ― along with Lorenzo ― is a member of the U.S. Army Band. The happy couple have been together for two and a half years. On July 7, Lorenzo pulled off the surprise of a lifetime: Under the guise of just another date night, Lorenzo threw a surprise wedding for Jenn. Surprise! The wedding is tonight. With the help of the couple’s…
