Rough Patch in Marriage? How to Get Through a Hard Time Together
Last updated October 29, 2026 by the Marriage Bliss Editorial Team.
Every long marriage goes through a rough patch. Job loss, a new baby, illness, grief, money trouble, or simply drifting apart can make you feel like strangers. A rough patch in marriage doesn’t mean the marriage is over. It usually means you’re under strain and need to turn toward each other instead of away.
Here’s how to get through a hard time in marriage, and how to tell a rough patch from something more serious.
Signs you’re in a rough patch
- More arguments, or more silence
- Less affection and intimacy
- Feeling more like roommates than partners
- Short tempers over small things
- Outside stress taking over every conversation
Common causes of rough patches
- New babies and young kids
- Job changes or financial stress
- Illness, injury or caregiving
- Grief and loss
- Moves and major life transitions
- Unresolved resentment
How to get through a rough patch in marriage
1. Name it together
“This has been a hard season for us. I want us to get through it together.”
2. Lower expectations temporarily
Survival mode is okay. Focus on the basics: kindness, rest and small moments of connection.
3. Stop the most damaging habits
Criticism, contempt and stonewalling make hard times harder. See the four horsemen.
4. Keep small rituals
A goodbye kiss, a daily check-in, coffee together. Small rituals hold you together.
5. Assume good intentions
Your spouse is likely stressed too. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
6. Share the load
Divide responsibilities so one partner isn’t drowning.
7. Remember why you chose each other
Look at old photos, revisit a favorite place, talk about good memories.
8. Get outside support
Friends, family, a support group or a counselor. See how to find a marriage counselor.
9. Make it through “for better or worse”
Commitment means staying in the hard seasons, while working to make them better.
What to say during a rough patch
- “I know things have been hard. I’m not going anywhere.”
- “What’s one thing I could do this week that would make it easier for you?”
- “I miss us. Can we take a walk this weekend, just the two of us?”
- “I’m stressed and short-tempered lately. It’s not about you, and I’m sorry.”
Rough patches by cause
- New baby: sleep deprivation and an uneven workload are the biggest strains. See keeping your marriage strong when kids arrive and resentment after baby.
- Job loss or money trouble: agree on a short-term budget and avoid blame. See job loss and marriage and financial stress and marriage.
- Grief: spouses often grieve differently and at different times. See grief and marriage.
- Caregiving: caring for a parent or sick child can leave nothing for each other. See caring for aging parents and marriage.
- Drifting apart: no crisis, just distance. See when couples only talk about logistics.
Her side, his side
Her side: “Since the baby came, we just pass each other in the hallway. I miss him, but I’m too tired to do anything about it.”
His side: “I feel like I’m failing at work and at home. I’ve pulled away because I don’t know what she needs.”
Saying “This is hard, and I’m still on your side” often breaks the distance more than any plan.
Rough patch or something more serious?
A rough patch is usually tied to circumstances and improves as they ease. It may be more serious if there’s ongoing contempt, an affair, addiction, or one partner has completely checked out. Read signs your marriage is in trouble. And if there is abuse, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788). If either of you is feeling hopeless, call or text 988; for drinking or drug concerns, SAMHSA’s helpline is 1-800-662-4357.
Related: stress in marriage and how to save your marriage.
Want more on this topic? See our guide to when your marriage is in trouble.
Frequently asked questions
How long do rough patches in marriage last?
It varies. Many last weeks or months and improve as the stressor eases and the couple reconnects.
Is it normal to go through a rough patch in marriage?
Yes. Nearly every long-term marriage goes through hard seasons.
How do you fix a marriage going through a hard time?
Name the struggle together, reduce damaging habits, keep small rituals of connection, and get outside support.
The bottom line
A rough patch is a season, not a verdict on your marriage. Name it together, lower your expectations for a while, protect small rituals of connection and get support when you need it. Many couples come out of hard seasons closer than before.
This article offers general information, not professional advice.
