12 Things That Ruin a Marriage (Quietly) and How to Stop Them
Last updated October 21, 2026 by the Marriage Bliss Editorial Team.
Most marriages aren’t ruined by one dramatic event. They’re worn down by small things repeated for years: criticism that becomes habit, phones at dinner, resentment nobody talks about, and two busy people slowly drifting into roommates. The good news is that small things can also be fixed.
Here are 12 things that ruin a marriage, the warning signs of each, and what to do instead.
Marriage killers at a glance
- Constant criticism
- Contempt and eye-rolling
- Stonewalling
- Keeping score
- Taking each other for granted
- Letting the friendship fade
- Screens over each other
- Avoiding hard conversations
- Secrets and small lies
- Putting everyone else first
- Neglecting intimacy
- Refusing to get help
12 things that destroy a marriage
1. Constant criticism
Complaints about a specific behavior are normal. Criticism attacks character: “You’re so lazy,” “You never think of anyone but yourself.” Instead: describe the situation and what you need. “I’m overwhelmed with the dishes. Could you take them tonight?”
2. Contempt
Sarcasm, mocking, name-calling and eye-rolling communicate disgust. Relationship research consistently identifies contempt as one of the strongest predictors of divorce. Instead: build a habit of appreciation, and say thank you out loud.
3. Stonewalling
Shutting down, walking away mid-conversation, or giving the silent treatment. Instead: ask for a break and set a time to return.
4. Keeping score
“I did bedtime three nights in a row, so you owe me.” Scorekeeping turns partners into competitors. Instead: talk about fairness openly and adjust the load together.
5. Taking each other for granted
When nobody notices the daily effort, resentment grows quietly. Instead: try these small ways to make your spouse feel loved.
6. Letting the friendship fade
Couples who stop having fun together often end up as co-managers of a household. Instead: protect a regular date, even an at-home date night.
7. Screens over each other
Phones at dinner, TV until bed, scrolling during conversations. Instead: set screen-free times, like meals and the last 30 minutes before sleep.
8. Avoiding hard conversations
Money, sex, in-laws and parenting don’t go away when ignored; they explode later. Instead: schedule calm check-ins. Our questions to ask your spouse can help.
9. Secrets and small lies
Hidden purchases, deleted texts, “harmless” white lies. Each one chips away at trust. Instead: default to transparency. Read how to build trust in a marriage.
10. Putting everyone else first
Kids, parents, work and friends all matter, but a marriage that always comes last eventually breaks. Instead: make deliberate time for each other and set boundaries with outside pressures.
11. Neglecting intimacy
Affection and sex often fade first, and their absence fuels distance. Instead: see how to build intimacy in marriage.
12. Refusing to get help
Many couples wait years after problems start before seeing a counselor. Instead: treat counseling like a tune-up, not a last resort.
Bigger threats that end marriages fast
Affairs, addiction and abuse can break a marriage much faster than slow drift. They need direct attention and usually professional support. If you’re dealing with violence or threats, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Worried it’s already gone too far? Read signs your marriage is in trouble and how to save your marriage.
Want more on this topic? See our guide to when your marriage is in trouble.
Frequently asked questions
What is the number one thing that ruins a marriage?
There’s rarely just one, but contempt (mocking, disgust, disrespect) is among the most damaging patterns researchers have identified.
Can small problems really end a marriage?
Yes. Repeated small hurts and neglect add up to resentment and distance over time, which is why addressing them early matters.
How do you fix a marriage that’s falling apart?
Stop the most damaging habits first (criticism, contempt, stonewalling), rebuild positive moments, and get help from a couples counselor.
