120 Questions to Ask Your Spouse (Deep, Fun and Check-In Questions)

The right questions to ask your spouse can do more for your marriage than a dozen date nights. Couples often stop asking each other real questions after a few years because they assume they already know the answers. They usually don’t. People change, and curiosity is one of the simplest ways to stay close.

Here are 120 questions for couples, grouped by mood: fun icebreakers, deep questions, relationship check-in questions, and questions about the future. Pick a few for your next dinner, road trip or date night.

How to use these questions

• Pick three to five per sitting. It’s a conversation, not a quiz.
• Both of you answer. Take turns.
• Listen without fixing or judging. Ask “What else?” to go deeper.
• Skip any question either of you isn’t ready for.

Fun questions to ask your spouse

1. What’s the best meal you’ve ever eaten?
2. If we could live anywhere for a year, where would you pick?
3. What song always puts you in a good mood?
4. What’s your most useless talent?
5. Which fictional character are you most like?
6. What would you do with a free Saturday and no responsibilities?
7. What’s a food you secretly hate?
8. What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to us?
9. If you could master one skill overnight, what would it be?
10. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
11. What was your favorite toy as a kid?
12. Which celebrity would you want to have dinner with?
13. What’s your ideal vacation: beach, mountains or city?
14. What’s the weirdest job you’d want to try for a day?
15. What’s your go-to karaoke song?
16. If we had a theme song, what would it be?
17. What’s one thing you’d never do, even for a million dollars?
18. What smell reminds you of childhood?
19. What’s a hobby you’d love to pick up?
20. What’s your favorite memory from our wedding?

Deep questions for couples

21. When do you feel most loved by me?
22. What’s something you’ve never told anyone?
23. What’s your biggest fear right now?
24. What moment from your childhood shaped you most?
25. When did you know you wanted to marry me?
26. What do you think is your greatest strength?
27. What’s something you’re proud of that you don’t talk about?
28. What do you wish more people understood about you?
29. Which relationship in your life has taught you the most?
30. What does a meaningful life look like to you?
31. What’s a belief you’ve changed your mind about?
32. What makes you feel safe?
33. What do you need when you’re stressed, and how can I tell?
34. What’s a dream you’ve given up on, and do you miss it?
35. What part of your past still affects you today?
36. What are you most grateful for this year?
37. What scares you about getting older?
38. How do you want to be remembered?
39. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
40. What’s one thing you’d change about how you were raised?
41. When do you feel most like yourself?
42. What do you think our biggest strength is as a couple?
43. What was the hardest season of our marriage for you?
44. What’s something I do that makes you feel respected?
45. What’s a question you wish I’d ask you more often?

Relationship check-in questions

Try a few of these weekly or monthly. Regular check-ins catch small issues before they grow. (See also our guide to communication in marriage.)

46. How are you feeling about us this week, from 1 to 10?
47. What’s one thing I did that made you feel loved?
48. Is there anything you’ve wanted to bring up but haven’t?
49. What’s stressing you out that I might not know about?
50. How can I support you this week?
51. Do you feel like we’re splitting chores fairly?
52. Are we spending enough time together?
53. Are we spending enough time apart?
54. How do you feel about our sex life lately?
55. Is there anything about money that’s worrying you?
56. Is there an argument we haven’t fully resolved?
57. What’s one thing we could do better as parents?
58. Do you feel heard when we disagree?
59. What’s one habit of mine that bothers you, honestly?
60. What should we plan for our next date?
61. What’s something you’d like more of from me?
62. What’s something you’d like less of?
63. Are we on track with our goals?
64. What made you laugh this week?
65. What’s one thing you appreciate about me right now?

Questions about intimacy and romance

66. What’s your favorite way for me to show affection?
67. What’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever done for you?
68. What makes you feel desired?
69. Is there something you’ve wanted to try together?
70. What’s your favorite memory of the two of us alone?
71. What helps you get in the mood?
72. What turns you off that I might not realize?
73. When do you feel closest to me?
74. What was your first impression of me?
75. What’s your favorite way to spend a night in together?
76. Which of our dates was your favorite?
77. What small gesture from me means the most?
78. Do you prefer surprises or planned romance?
79. What’s a love song that reminds you of us?
80. How can I make you feel more appreciated?

More on this topic: how to build intimacy in marriage.

Questions about the future

81. Where do you see us in five years? In twenty?
82. What’s on your bucket list?
83. Where would you want to retire?
84. What kind of home do you want long-term?
85. What career dreams do you still have?
86. What’s a tradition you’d like us to start?
87. How do you want to celebrate our next big anniversary?
88. What do you want our kids (or family) to remember about us?
89. What’s one big trip we have to take?
90. How much do you want to work in ten years?
91. What financial goal matters most to you?
92. What would you do if money weren’t an issue?
93. What’s one thing you want to learn together?
94. How do you want to grow as a person this year?
95. How can we keep our marriage strong as life changes?

Questions to reconnect after a rough patch

96. What do you miss most about how we used to be?
97. What’s one thing I could do this week to help us feel closer?
98. Is there something you need me to apologize for?
99. What still works well between us?
100. What do you need to feel safe talking to me?
101. When did you last feel really connected to me?
102. What’s one small change that would make a big difference?
103. What are you afraid will happen if we don’t change?
104. What do you still love about me?
105. Would you be open to seeing a counselor together?

Questions for a road trip or long drive

106. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on?
107. What was your first car, and what happened to it?
108. Which teacher had the biggest impact on you?
109. What was your first job like?
110. If you could relive one day of your life, which would it be?
111. What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
112. Who was your childhood best friend?
113. What advice would you give your 18-year-old self?
114. What’s the best decision you ever made?
115. What’s something you’ve changed your mind about since we met?
116. What’s one thing on your mind lately that you haven’t said out loud?
117. What’s a book or movie that changed how you think?
118. What’s one thing you’d like to get better at this year?
119. What are three words you’d use to describe our marriage?
120. What’s your favorite thing about our life right now?

Want to put these into practice? Pair them with one of our at-home date night ideas, or use them while you work on each other’s emotional needs.

Frequently asked questions

What are good questions to ask your spouse?

Mix fun questions (“What’s your go-to karaoke song?”) with deeper ones (“When do you feel most loved by me?”) and regular check-ins (“How are you feeling about us this week?”).

How often should couples do relationship check-ins?

Many couples do a short weekly check-in and a longer monthly one. Consistency matters more than length.

What questions help couples reconnect?

Questions about what you miss, what still works, and what small change would help. They focus on hope and action rather than blame.