Who Wants Sex More in Middle Age — Men or Women?
Before I go any further, I should say that I have not interviewed any single middle age women about this subject and my conclusions are based more on what my gut tells me and what I’ve read.
Divorced guys I’ve interviewed have told me there seems to be a growing number of single, middle age women (with or without children) out there on the dating scene who aren’t seeking marriage or a serious relationship. Recent stories on this point confirm this, namely that for the first time in American history there’s slightly more unmarried women out there than married ones.
Hanna Rosin, in her 2010 Atlantic magazine piece, The End of Men and the Rise of Women, noted another new development: namely that women have become the majority by a slight margin in the full-time, workforce. Many managers are now women. For every two men who earned a college degree last year, three women did the same, Rosin reported.
The bottom line is that the old stereotype of middle age single women needing to marry or remarry for financial security is fading. It comes down to economics. Many can afford to be picky. They don’t need the guy’s pay check. They have the financial security of their full-time jobs, along with a good support system of female friends and/or family.
This reluctance of middle age women to seek marriage or a serious relationship may also stem from the fact that they were burned or abused in a previous relationship. Or, that they simply are not willing to devote a large part of their time and energy to a man.
However, there’s no doubt these middle age women want, and need physical intimacy.
All these factors, along the convenience provided by internet dating, has resulted in the growing phenomenon of having “friends with benefits” – that is dating or scheduling dates with the promise of sex, and little or no commitment involved, Rosin and others have noted.
So, what about us married guys? As advice columnist Amy advised to the book club ladies, there’s no substitute to having open, candid conversations with your partner about your needs and hers.
If things have gotten stale or circumstances have put things on hold in your sex life, my advice is to take positive action. Take the attitude that “It won’t happen unless I do it.” Discuss the situation soon as possible with your wife or girlfriend and do your best to listen (I can’t stress that enough) to what your partner is saying.
Afterward, be committed to making some changes in your attitude and behaviors. Make time for intimacy. Schedule a romantic, overnight getaway to break free from the distractions of work and kids.
“Sadly, some couples can’t even begin to have that conversation. That’s the way it was in my first marriage,” according to one guy I interviewed.
My wife and I have had that conversation, and continue to keep communication lines open on the topic.
During one of those conversations I asked her, “You think we’ll still be ‘doing it’ in our 70s and 80s?”
“I hope so,” she said.
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