7 Tips For Keeping Married Sex Awesome
What I do know: my partner and I have been together for six years and we’re still doing our best to empty that jar—and having a good time doing it. In other words, we have sex once a day on average. Granted, we are still in our late twenties and we do not have kids, so perhaps that will change with age and time. But for six years and counting ::whispers:: we’ve had a rockin’ sex life, and for once in my life, I’m going to (anonymously!) own it.
I suppose my reticence might seem puzzling. But I’ve never, ever mentioned this to anyone—and not simply because I’m a private person. The average amount of sex married couples are having, as reported recently in the New York Times, is estimated around 58 encounters per year (though it’s closer to 111 times a year for couples under 30, while another 15% of married couples have likely not had sex for 6 months to 1 year). Who wants to hear about the couples who are quadrupling or… sextupling (really, is there no other word?) those numbers? So forgive me if this is a sensitive issue. I’m not trying to boast about my prowess, I swear. It’s just that… married sex gets an awfully bad rap. And that saddens me. Maybe it’s deserved, given the statistics. But it seems like there is no one — no one — out there saying: long-term, committed, monogamous sex ROCKS! In our culture, each of those adjectives is viewed as the ultimate buzz-kill.
I’m not sure why I’m telling you this now. I have no aspirations of writing a “15 Ways to Please Your Lover” C*smo article. If you and/or your partner are unhappy with the amount of sex you’re having, well, there can be as many possible solutions as there are reasons why, but I’m hardly qualified to diagnose. It can be psychological, it can be physiological (I’m looking at you, hormonal birth control). Figuring that out can be quite a challenge (unfortunately, doctors and researchers are still very clueless about sexual arousal and pleasure, particularly when it comes to women). But, if sex is important to your relationship, I think it is definitely worth the time, effort, and money.
If you’re both happy with the amount of sex you’re having — even if that’s once a year — fantastic! Don’t feel pressured to change to meet someone else’s idea of “enough.”
I’ve tried to figure out why our sex life is still such an untroubled source of fun. I’ve come up with a few reasons, but it’s hardly exhaustive. Maybe this list will be helpful; more likely, I’m just working it out for myself. It mostly boils down to being “GGG” or “Good, Giving, & Game,” a Dan Savage acronym.
