7 Marriage Mistakes Even The Smartest Couples Make
4. Staying up to resolve an argument, even if it takes all night. Bad idea! At a certain point—and we’ve all been there—we just want to be right, whatever it costs. And because someone at our bridal shower advised us to never go to bed angry, we beat up ourselves and our spouses into the wee hours in the name of “resolution.” But the more we try to resolve (aka, win), the later it gets and the more exhausted and resentful we become. So yes, go to bed angry sometimes. Get some rest and sleep on it. Reconvene the anger summit in the morning when you’re both more open-minded and less riled up. This is the economic concept of “loss aversion,” which, in simple terms, means we hate to lose. Recognizing how much we hate to lose, we need to take actions to minimize the damage we do attempting to win at all costs.
5. Trying to mind-read—or expecting your partner to do so. This one should be obvious, and yet again, we all assume our spouse knows we need a hug (or a cocktail) after a bad day at the office or figure that he’ll wash the car on his way past the car wash because it’s so obviously dirty. The solution: the economic principle of transparency. Give your spouse the information he or she needs, rather than expecting him to know the unknowable. Information is the grease that keeps your little economy functioning.
7. Underestimating the power of small changes. Long commute and big house, or shoebox in the city and more time with the kids? When you start to think about one person quitting a job because the demands of housework and childcare are too overwhelming with both partners working, consider the smaller changes that might help first. What if you cooked more meals on the weekend? Or hired an occasional cleaning service so neither of you has to spend your free time scrubbing the sink? Instead of grand solutions, look for the incremental changes that can improve situations.
