20 Questions Every Married Couple Should Ask

The honeymoon can last five days or five years, but at some point the heat and hormones subside. Susan Piver, author of the New York Times bestseller The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do“ believes that’s when “the real fun begins.”

Oh, yeah? “Romance can never last, but intimacy can never end,” explains Piver, who created 20 new “phase two” questions exclusively for YourTango. She talks with us about her eye-opening exercise for anyone who has made a commitment—and is committed to making it last.

If you’re up for it, and are feeling a little adventurous, then sit down with your spouse and ask each other these 20 questions. It’s an awesome exercise!

1. What have you learned to appreciate about me that you didn’t know when we first married?

2. What have you learned that irritates, upsets or frightens you?

3. Are you satisfied with the amount of time we spend together? The amount of time we spend separately?

4. Have we had any major life shocks? If so, what did we learn about ourselves, each other, our relationship?

5. What dreams or expectations did we have about married life? Which have been fulfilled and which have not?

6. What have I given up for you? How do I feel about it?

7. What have you given up for me? How do you feel?

8. At what times have we felt happiest together?

9. Is our sexual connection satisfying to you? To me?

10. How do we manage when desire levels differ? [Note: “Though this is a very real and common issue, it’s very difficult to discuss,” says Piver. “Still, it’s worth acknowledging such differences if they exist.”]

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