19 Things Your Marriage Counselor Knows about Your Relationship—but Isn’t Telling You
Sometimes I recommend living separately
Sometimes two people love each other but have such different styles of living that I recommend they live together in a duplex. It sounds strange, but it works for some people.
Trying can take you far in a relationship
I’ve seen couples I thought didn’t stand a chance end up staying together. Often it’s because they’re both willing to try. But sometimes it’s just that they are too dysfunctional to leave each other.
Men are not mind readers
The big thing most women don’t understand: Men are not mind readers. If you don’t tell him how you feel, he’s not going to know. The big thing most men don’t understand: If you hardly acknowledge your wife all day, she’s not going to want to get intimate with you at night.
It takes time
If I ask you how long you’ve had problems and your answer is “10 years,” you’re not going to change things in 10 minutes or 10 sessions.
I would tell a lot of people they shouldn’t be together
If I was 100 percent honest, I’d be telling a lot of couples, “I don’t think you two should be together.”
You need to work hard outside of therapy as well
Just showing up every week is not enough. My number one pet peeve is the couple that comes to the session, then leaves and behaves the same way they always have.
Come in early on in the process
The earlier you come in, the quicker you can get the problem solved, the less your therapy will cost.
You need other relationships too
Don’t expect your spouse to be everything you need: your lover, your best friend, your massage therapist, your tennis partner, and your confidant. You need other relationships outside your marriage to fill those roles.
Stop complaining
The person who complains about things that happened in the past is usually more of the problem than the spouse they’re complaining about.
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