How to Get Closer to Your Spouse: 10 (Slightly Awkward) Things to Try
Last updated October 21, 2026 by the Marriage Bliss Editorial Team.
To get closer to your spouse, you usually have to do things that feel a little awkward at first: sustained eye contact, asking vulnerable questions, sharing fears out loud, and touching more than you’re used to. That awkwardness is a sign you’re stepping out of autopilot. Research on closeness, like psychologist Arthur Aron’s well-known “36 questions” study, suggests that gradually increasing self-disclosure helps people feel more connected. Here are 10 ways to feel closer as a couple, ranked from mildly to very awkward.
At a glance
- Easiest: a 20-second hug every day.
- Most powerful: answering deep questions together.
- Most awkward: four minutes of eye contact.
- Tip: laugh at the awkwardness; it’s part of the bonding.
1. Hug for 20 seconds
A quick pat-pat hug is routine. Holding a hug longer feels strange at first and then deeply calming. Try it once a day.
2. Ask the “36 questions”
Aron’s study used a set of questions that start light and grow more personal. You can find the list online or use our deep questions for couples. Take turns and really listen.
3. Hold eye contact for four minutes
The final step of the 36-questions exercise: look into each other’s eyes without talking. You’ll probably laugh. Keep going.
4. Share a fear you haven’t said out loud
About work, aging, parenting, or the relationship. Vulnerability invites vulnerability. See emotional safety in marriage.
5. Tell each other what you appreciate, face to face
Take turns naming three specific things you appreciate about the other. Saying it to their face is harder than texting it, which is the point.
6. Read your old messages or letters together
Scroll back through early texts or love letters. Cringe together. Remember together.
7. Dance in the kitchen
No skill required. Put on a song from your wedding or dating years and slow dance while dinner cooks.
8. Try something neither of you is good at
A pottery class, salsa, rock climbing. Being beginners together, and looking silly together, builds closeness. See date ideas for married couples.
9. Talk about your sex life
For many couples, the most awkward conversation of all, and one of the most rewarding. See how to talk to your spouse about sex.
10. Ask, “How can I love you better?”
Then listen without defending yourself. It’s humbling and one of the most connecting questions there is. See love languages.
Why awkward works
Familiarity can turn into autopilot. Doing something new, especially something emotionally exposed, breaks the routine and reminds you that your spouse is still a person to discover. For daily habits that keep you close, see emotional connection in marriage; if you’ve drifted, see how to reconnect with your spouse.
Frequently asked questions
How can I feel closer to my spouse?
Spend focused time together, share more personal thoughts and fears, increase physical affection, and try new experiences together.
What are the 36 questions to fall in love?
They’re a set of increasingly personal questions from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, designed to build closeness between two people through gradual self-disclosure.
Why is it awkward to be vulnerable with my spouse?
Long-term couples often settle into routines and stop sharing deeper thoughts. Vulnerability feels risky, but it’s what builds intimacy.
