How to Get into the Mood When You Don’t Feel Like It

So, here’s a dirty little secret that not too many people are talking about. Sex is actually what helps a couple stay together. The first research on the functions of orgasm came out in the 30s.

More recently the French Obstetrician Micheal Odent maintains, like many Tantra texts, that an orgasm causes a chemical reaction in the body, releasing oxytocin. This chemical is responsible for mother-child bonding during birth and breastfeeding.

Biologically it ensures the survival of the species, as mothers who bond well with their children look after them better and they have a much higher chance of surviving. And guess what, so do bonded couples. Even just hugging and cuddling releases oxytocin, so it makes sense for a couple to have as much sex and cuddling as they can.

Women don’t have constant sexual needs

The problem is that a woman’s sexual desire comes from the head (and the heart) but also from her hormones. In a healthy hormonal cycle, most women experience a rise in desire just before being and just before menstruation.

The reason for sex in the first case is obvious but sex before or even during menstruation can really help matters. Firstly, the oxytocin (that magical chemical again) helps relaxation (a great cure for PMT), while some nice strong muscle contractions can loosen pelvic congestion.

But what about sex when we don’t feel like it?

Given the physical and emotional benefits of sex, it’s a good idea to say yes when it is on offer. Here are some simple tips for raising your sexual desire. The first is read or watch something erotic. New research has shown that women are aroused from watching films, it’s just that men porn isn’t often a turn on for women. Now there are plenty of female directors who are making erotic cinema expressly for women.


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The same with literature, there are now whole editorial series dedicated to erotic women’s fiction. And I can assure you it works. I remember as a teenager reading Alina Reyes’ “The Butcher” while traveling the city on public transport, and my checks got so red and flushed that I actually had to put the book away and wait till I got home before continuing. It is a pre “Shades of Grey” story about a young student who spends her summer holidays in a butcher’s shop. The butcher slowly awakens her sexual desire.

Allow your imagination to indulge in all of your fantasies. Women need their minds to be as involved as their bodies, so read and fantasize freely.

Secondly, we need to take care of the physical side. A body needs to be well exercised and well rested to function well. I love swimming because of the sensuality of the cool water on my skin, and also because it’s great exercise. Even a walk in the park or in nature does wonders to recharge the body.

Take a long shower or a luxurious hot bath. Place yourself near the running water and allow it to caress you everywhere. Once you have dried yourself very gently, slowly rub some perfumed oil all over your body, paying extra attention to the erogenous zones. Even to your inner thighs and behind the knees. Sensual perfume has always been used to attract a mate, but it also works subconsciously on you. Rub some extra virgin coconut oil on your feet and make sure you take the time to lovingly caress every single toe.

When you arrive at your encounter sensually prepared, your arousal will heighten your partner’s arousal. Be prepared for a great encounter.