How to Rebuild Your Marriage When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want To

You may be trying to save your marriage but feel as though you’re the only one making an effort. You may fear that it’s not possible to do it on your own. The good news is that one committed partner can make a difference. You have to do it the right way, however, or you may push your loved one even further away. If you promised your partner that your marriage is forever, shouldn’t you do whatever you can do to save it, even if your spouse says he or she no longer loves you?


Love has its ups and downs

Within a marriage, it’s normal to have times when you feel in love and times when you don’t. It doesn’t mean that your marriage is over if your spouse says he or she is no longer in love with you. Many couples have found that it is possible to fall in love again. Rather than begging or whining, you can get to work on yourself and do things that will help your spouse to fall in love with you again.


Come from a place of balance

It may feel like you have very little power when you’re faced with an ultimatum by the one you love. Your whole world may seem off-balance, and it’s not unusual to feel afraid, anxious and insecure. However, you can’t afford to lose your center and yourself.

In this situation, some people lean too far forward, clinging to a partner and driving him or her further away in the process. Others lean too far back, cutting themselves off and not communicating in an attempt to protect their hearts. Both of these actions keep you off balance and take away your power. You need to hold your head up, breathe and stay centered. Keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and act from a place of calmness.


Keep your head high

It may be the hardest thing to remain confident when your marriage is under threat. Your self-confidence has probably taken a knock but staying in that place for too long can be damaging to your sense of self and your relationship. It’s important to take care of yourself and do things that make you feel good about yourself. These things are different for different people. It may be trying new things that make you feel good about yourself. It might mean reminding yourself of your triumphs. Confidence helps you to take charge of your life, and it also makes you more attractive.


Be fair

It’s easy to feel like a victim when you’re not the one that wants to end the marriage.  You need to avoid a victim mentality and take some responsibility for the state of your marriage. This stops shaming and blaming in its tracks, which is something that can drive your spouse further away.  If you own your part, your spouse is more likely to listen and consider making some changes.


Be understanding and accepting

You don’t have to accept the fact that your spouse wants to leave. Nevertheless, you need to try to understand or accept what he or she feels without becoming angry or defensive. This acceptance can help to re-establish a relationship and open up communication. It may be extremely tough to be accepting and understanding, especially if a spouse has had an affair. You don’t have to accept the adultery, but you can accept and forgive your spouse. Forgiveness gives your marriage a chance.


Learn to Love Again

There is no magic pill you can take to make your marriage work again. It is even harder if your partner doesn’t want to work on it. However, there is a possibility that your marriage can be saved if you love your partner enough to do what it takes to change. You can learn to love one another again and experience the rewards of not having given up on your marriage.