Financial “Cheating” Is One Of The Biggest Reasons For Divorce
Sometimes the secret spending takes sad, sordid turns. Tessina remembered a young couple who lived with the wife’s mother until the mother-in-law’s noticed that thousands of dollars worth of calls to porn sites had been charged to her phone bill.
Another couple split after the partner blew through their savings and lost their house gambling on the stock market.
“The spouse didn’t find out until the foreclosure notices began coming in,” Tessina said.
Aaron Anderson, owner and counselor at the Marriage and Family Clinic in Colorado, said that he once saw a husband who told his wife he made about $60k annually when he was actually making about double that. “When the wife found out it was extremely difficult for them and the case was a lot like a real infidelity in how they responded to treatment,” he said.
According to a 2015 study conducted by Fidelity, couples are often unaware of their partner’s finances. This isn’t done with malice, but rather ignorance. While 72 percent of couples said they discussed financial matters, nearly half couldn’t identify basic information about their partner’s bank account or general income.
Preventing financial dalliances, then, comes down to simply keeping up with your household finances — and staying alert, says Tessini. If something on a credit card statement or receipt seems out of the ordinary, then couples need to discuss it. And, while marriage is built on trust, out-of-the-ordinary spending does need to be flagged.
Researching this story led me to a surprisingly benevolent example of financial trickery. A friend confessed to secretly diverting his wife’s $2,000 bonus from their shared checking account into a savings account. He held onto the cash as a cushion for the future.
“Had she known the money was there, her thoughts would have been about a renovation/upgrade we’ve been putting off,” he said. “Believe me, the repairs we’re putting off cost way more than two grand.”
The story illustrates the classic money philosophy clash of savers vs. spenders. While that story ended happily, money differences often become money disasters. To avoid the acrimony, frequent and honest conversations are necessary. The prospect may sound unpleasant, but clashing approaches to money can be resolved through patient talk.
“Everyone’s a little different, if not drastically different, in their money personality,” Golden said. “The only way you’re going to understand your partner is through regular conversations that aren’t confrontations.” Because when everyone’s on the same page, no one can go off the books.
Because when everyone’s on the same page, no one can go off the books.
