When losing your temper and dealing with one argument after another have become part of your day to day married life, anger control issues are probably to blame. It happens more often than you think. And when couples don’t know how to react or don’t see any solution to cope with disappointments and obstacles, then anger will only be increasing.
What Causes Anger
Although people don’t always see anger as a bad emotion, when it takes hold of a couple’s life it can only cause damage. Its destructive ends come from harmful sources. Also, couples can express anger in different ways.
However, its common source of negative energy stays the same. And if this isn’t controlled, it only leads to more and more frustrating and ever hurtful situations. Perpetual anger and tension in a marriage keeps partners apart, in a desperate state of attack.
Whether it comes from disappointment and lack of confidence in your marriage, or from external sources such as work conflicts and excessive financial burdens, anger can damage your family’s sense of safety. If you take a moment to understand what lies behind these conflicts, you’ll see that most arguments happen in the same way. Couples who can’t control their emotions tend to forget they even have them. This is when they lose control over anger as well.
Once you become aware of your emotions and those of your partner, you’ll be able to communicate better and to pay attention to each other’s point of view. Most of the time, the fact that you’re clueless about what are your spouse’s needs, wants and emotions, you live in a constant fear of unpredictability. And if you don’t start looking at ways to express your insecurity, then you’ll only surrender to more confusion, fear, and anger.
The Effects of Anger
Of course, everyone can get angry from time to time, but the real problem comes when someone persists in anger. Not being able to control this emotion can easily damage one’s marriage in several ways. It causes fear and insecurity and it plants doubt and distrust in the middle of your relationship.
Most couples think they know what triggers their conflicts and what fires angry discussions. But anger usually blinds any possible understanding of how they need to sort out their problems. After all, anger is an emotion. It requires self-control and awareness if it’s to diminish or disappear for good.
Because men and women express their anger in different ways, they have a hard time seeing their partner’s inability to deal with emotions. Gradually, you become each other’s enemy and you see your partner as a constant source of unhappiness and frustration. Blaming your spouse, as well as hurting those around you, will become normality, not to mention that apologizing is out of the question. You can’t apologize for something you don’t consider a mistake. When both partners feel the same way, it’s time to work together towards a less-judgmental attitude. If they want to save their marriage from the risks of anger they need to open up and confront their own insecurities and vulnerability.