8 Signs That You’re Actually in a Good Marriage
6. WHEN BEING THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER IS ENOUGH
I’m actually pretty proud of the relationship my husband and I have, considering we’ve only been together four years. The way we’ve chosen to openly communicate with each other has been one of the most positive qualities in our relationship—from the way he told me he had melanoma three months into dating (mole was removed shortly after and he’s cancer free!) to the way we’ve dealt with my recent miscarriage. Even if one of us doesn’t know exactly what to say, just knowing that those lines of communication are open and that the other person is always there, even if just to listen and be there for physical support, is huge.
7. WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY EVERY DAY
There’s a scene in Sex and the City when the girls ask Charlotte how often she’s happy in her marriage, and she says, “Every day.” Not all day every day, not all the time, but at some point in the day, every day, she is happy. That, to me, is the “good” or “good enough” marriage/relationship. I recognize that there are nuances here; for example, a strict twenty-four-hour time limit seems silly. I also recognize that the happiness can be fueled by something outside one’s marriage/relationship, such as a spouse who achieves a goal they’ve been working toward a long time. That line has always stuck with me, not as a goal to strive for, but as an internal measure of my own level of gratitude. What is the thing that made me happy today? Did I acknowledge it in the moment, or do I only see it in hindsight? Both of those things are okay, but I will probably reap more benefits from learning to acknowledge it in the moment, and find my new happy thing for tomorrow.
8. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW
I don’t have an answer to exactly what a good marriage looks like, but I’m working on it. It feels like it should be a relationship where a couple can communicate openly with each other. Where there’s an understanding that the marriage and the partnership comes first. Where there’s mutual respect and support. The communication thing has been incredibly hard for us—we’re both incredibly conflict-avoidant, so things that should have been addressed long, long ago got pushed aside and ignored for a long time until they got too big to ignore any longer.
