30 Priceless One-Liners About Marriage

You better be able to laugh at marriage. And to help, here are 30 one liners that are classics.


At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.


I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.

Only after getting married you realise that those husband-wife jokes were not just jokes.

My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

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