20 Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage After You Have Kids
10. Never stop courting each other
“Write notes, send texts, cook together, compliment each other — do the things you did before kids,” says life coach Erin Baebler of Magnolia Workshop. “Seduce each other. Make a fuss over your partner the way you used to,” says Reece. While there is something to be said for being comfortable in your relationship at this point, flirting with your spouse may add that little spark back to your marriage. Run your fingers through his hair while he’s brushing his teeth or steal a kiss in the kitchen. It’s all about continuing that love affair that brought you together in the first place.
Adjust your perspective
11. Wear rose-colored glasses
“So often we focus on what our spouse is not doing or is doing wrong, which causes resentment and anger. Focus on what he is doing right and appreciate it. Stop ‘shoulding’ each other,” says Lombardo. Gratitude will make you both happier than criticism or judgment.
12. Stay on the same team
“Form a partnership where both parties feel respected, cared about, and needed,” says Tessina. “Hopefully both parents will be involved in child care, which keeps the burden from being too great on one parent. If both contribute equally, each should have one night off while the other partner watches the child. This time by yourself will refresh you for child care and the relationship.” It’s easy to become overwhelmed when doing most of the day-to-day parenting. Remember that you are a team, and work toward giving each other a break when possible.
Rely on communication
13. Talk it out
“Regardless of how long you’ve been married, he cannot read your mind. Don’t expect him to,” says Lombardo. “It may be inconceivable that he doesn’t notice how filthy the kitchen is, but there is research that shows men’s brains are not as attuned to details like this.” Instead of nagging him, “Ask him to put the dishes in the dishwasher or fold the clothes. He’ll appreciate you being assertive and not having to figure out why you are upset.” Real relationships require real communication.
14. Solve problems
“Talk frequently and honestly to each other about your frustrations, sex, anger, disappointment, appreciation of each other, everything,” says Tessina. “Don’t get stuck on who’s right or wrong — focus on what will solve the problem.” Most of all, have a sense of humor and give each other the benefit of the doubt. “Try to end each day with a good, honest 10-minute conversation about each other’s interests and concerns — logistics and to-do lists not welcome!” says Hilmer.
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