20 Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage After You Have Kids

5. Maintain a family calendar

“Make sure your obligations are organized and in sync with each other,” says Michael Batshaw, psychotherapist and author of 51 Things You Should Know Before Getting Engaged. “A couple with new additions needs to set aside family time, alone time, and couple time. This creates boundaries as well as a sense of unity.” Now that you have a family, much of your time will be devoted to your children — but make couple time a priority too.

6. Actually schedule some time together

“You schedule everything else that’s important, why not time for your beloved?” says Reece. “Time alone together was vital when you were dating. It’s just as vital now that you’re married.” If you aren’t comfortable leaving your children with a babysitter, consider trading babysitting with a friend who may also be craving some couple time.

Make sex a priority

7. Adjust your mindset

“My female clients often view sex as ‘Yet another thing I have to do for someone else,'” says Elizabeth Lombardo, psychologist and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Sex is for both of you. It is a great way to reduce stress, feel closer to each other and even get a good night’s sleep (which we all need).” Remember, love takes effort and a little closeness to make it continue to grow — but it does not work. “Work is that thing you do to earn cash,” says Orlando. “Effort is what you put into the things that hold your passion.”

8. Create intimate moments

“Intimacy is the art of making your partner feel understood and accepted,” says Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. “When this feeling is created, barriers fall.” A gentle touch, eye contact or a quick hug can create an intimate, loving atmosphere in an instant — especially when times are hard. “This is when a couple needs private connection the most,” says Batshaw. “Even if you’re not in the mood, make an effort to share intimate moments a few times a week.” Making eye contact across the table while the toddler is throwing food may not seem romantic, but it’s a little gesture that connects you.

9. Try hotel sex

Orlando says, “Date night is a good attempt at rekindling things. But after working all week, diapers and homework assistance, it might not be feasible to downshift over the course of a couple of hours at dinner. Better to get a trusted sitter and take a full night to find passion.” The thrill of being away from home — even just a few miles — can light a spark you had temporarily forgotten about.