Relationships usually begin with hearts and butterflies. Everything is fine and dandy. You agree with each other and you compromise. But, as the relationship moves past the “honeymoon stage,” you start to show opinions, differences, and your individual personalities. It is then that you experience a fluctuation in the harmony of the union. A relationship gets tested. If you can have healthy arguments, you can truly learn from one another.
Arguing is a major form of communication. It shows individualism, different perspectives and the ability to teach each other. Arguments aren’t necessarily an indicator that there are problems in a relationship. Psychiatrist, Dr. Gail Saltz, with NewYork Presbyterian Hospital, explains that arguing well requires skills that take time to build. Here are five of his suggestions:
* Don’t insist on being right
* Speak up as soon as you feel anger rising
* Stick to the topic at hand
* Don’t say something you will regret
WHY COUPLES WHO ARGUE LOVE EACH OTHER MORE
Arguing doesn’t determine that a relationship is suffering. Having arguments can actually indicate that two people have their own individual ideas and opinions. They can bring them to the table and share them in a healthy manner. Relationships that do not argue can be withdrawn and full of tension, as neither party wants to share their thoughts to not hurt each other. They may bottle it all up. The lack of arguing can also be expressed as a lack of engagement to the relationship. There may be a problem with trust. Perhaps you need to ask yourself the following questions:
How committed are you if you can express your own ideas? Are you afraid of stepping over boundaries? In your relationship, can you truly be your authentic self? Are you afraid to speak your ideas and opinions?
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, shared on Psychology Today, that there are seven ingredients to a healthy and happy relationship, and arguing is one of them. She goes on to explain, “I’ve never seen a healthy couple that doesn’t argue. They never fight, however – they argue. If a couple comes into my office and tells me they’ve never argued, something isn’t quite right. You can argue without fighting. Arguing is non-combative – you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice. Sometimes you agree to disagree – and that’s okay. Figure out what your ‘non-negotiables’ are – the things that you will not budge on. Now rethink that list. I like the saying, You can either be right, or married.”
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