Why Being A Control Freak Doesn’t Work in the Bedroom

Are you a type ‘A’ personality? Do you like order and routine in your life? Do you make lists of things you need to do?

Being super organized can help you be a more efficient and productive person in your work and daily life, but it’s not a great idea mindset for intimate time. In fact, losing control in the bedroom is something your partner will greatly appreciate.


Leaving your inhibitions at the door

Are you planning a romantic evening with your partner? Will your plans be derailed if they call to say they are running late, again? Life is full of interruptions and unplanned events.

Learning to be more relaxed and sticking less to a schedule will help you both to be more spontaneous. Sure, your romantic dinner may dry out, and your seductive lingerie swapped for your regular pajamas, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourselves, a little later than scheduled.


Intimacy & Trust

Unless you’re into the darker 50 Shades of Grey bondage type scenarios, your bedroom is the one place where it’s totally ok not to be in control.

Live in the moment and enjoy the ride! Don’t plan out the next moment! Instead, be carried off on a sea of sensations and emotions as you abandon your overthinking self for a more pleasure centered experience.

Trust and intimacy go hand in hand, and our physical and emotional vulnerability is literally exposed to its greatest degree when we are with our partner in the bedroom. Let loose and give yourself permission to be free.


There’s a baby crying at 3 am

Yours, the neighbors, or maybe you suddenly feel rather unwell. In romcoms and our favorite romantic novels, the heroine and hero fall passionately into a perfect bed and explore their every passion together.

Cue, sexy soundtrack and uninterrupted time in the bedroom. Reality can be rather different. You’re bound to have nights together that are anything but perfect. The phone that rings, the car alarm that goes off, the baby starting to cry at 3-am. What can you do…


Passion & Control

The tighter you are wound, the harder it will be for you to relax and enjoy being physically intimate. What do you do to relax? Exercise? Meditation? Yoga?

If you’re a total control freak the chances of you being relaxed enough to enjoy physical intimacy are not great. Being in love with your partner is one thing, but the spark of attraction and desire is a flame that needs to be fanned. Before it bursts into fire.


Smoldering Burn

Desire and attraction are two sides of the same coin. When you feel attractive and desired you will have more sexual energy and be more passionate in the bedroom. Being too controlling is not conducive to being attractive.

It’s a big turn off. (Aside from Christian Grey) Most people do not feel comfortable with physical constraints in an intimate environment like a bedroom. This is something different for every couple but generally being sexually free rests on a certain level of physical safety and emotional comfort. These may not sound sexy but are what we need to be intimate.

Planning is a part of life. Don’t throw your diary out the window just yet. Remember that being too much of a control freak in the bedroom is a self-fulfilling recipe for disaster. You need to be relaxed, spontaneous and free to go with the natural flow of life.

Being too wound up and uptight will hinder your ability to be intimate. Plan your evening of strawberries, cream, and seduction but if plan ‘B’ is a foot massage and take away supper because your partner is tired, be ok with that too.