Revealing an Affair in Marriage

Revealing an Affair in Marriage is Difficult but Necessary

Affairs are among the things that could end a marriage. Surprisingly, the marriage partner who starts an affair plans to stay married. That’s why affairs are done in secret to prevent the other person from knowing the truth. Almost every cheater denies ever having an affair even if they are confronted with overwhelming proof. Men are known to deny it, making their wives feel overly deceived and betrayed. This denial happens because the spouse didn’t plan to get caught, in first place, and lose their marriage.

Immense guilt and stress

Infidelity causes untold guilt and as lies get piled, depression may follow. Confused and suicidal, the cheating spouse might decide to reveal the truth. While few would take this route, it’s advisable to take it to save a marriage. It’s not every victimized spouse that will end a marriage just because of one or two cases of infidelity. Some are likely to forgive the affairs if their spouse gets honest about them. Revealing an affair is tough, very tough, indeed. If you want to tell a spouse who doesn’t know your wayward ways, you risk getting dumped. As well, you risk losing their trust even after telling the truth. However, revealing your ways is usually the first step toward marital reconciliation.

Telling the truth

Affairs are a heartless way to treat a spouse. All those who cheat know it for sure. But how many are willing to report themselves? A few who decide to talk about this thoughtless and selfish act are the wisest.  Even if what he or she doesn’t know might never hurt them, you may feel so depressed and sick of your actions.  Your spouse can notice when you are depressed and get hurt too. Besides, the truth might come out one day and you will be forced to face it.  Even if you don’t feel guilty or stressed out because of cheating on her or him, it’s still necessary to reveal it.  Honesty is a very important ingredient for a successful marriage while dishonesty creates emotional distance.

There are very few people who may agree with this, yet it is the right thing to do. There is a fear of triggering irreversible harm when you tell the truth, obviously, but lying is not in the best interests of the victimized spouse. It’s demeaning to think that your spouse cannot bear to hear the truth about your affair.  It is also manipulative and dangerous to think this way. Lack of trust that you may suffer after telling the truth may not ruin your marriage. But if you hide the truth and your spouse learns it from others, your marriage will surely not survive. If you are totally honest about your feelings, thoughts, actions, interests, history, future goals and other things, you should not fear talking about infidelity.

Confronting the aftermath now is better than doing it many years later. Suppose you didn’t just cheat on her or him but you also made a baby. If you were to hide the truth, you would let him raise a kid he did not bring forth or work extra harder to maintain an illegitimate kid without her knowledge. Speaking up and facing the consequences is the best way to get rid of guilt and stress you are feeling now. But what if you want to keep having affairs? It would be humane to end your marriage and set the victim free. Still you would have to explain why you want to end it and discover that only truth can set you totally free.