7 Signs Your Spouse Might Be Having An Emotional Affair

1. Try to use a a calm, neutral voice.

Accusatory words won’t get you very far, so refrain from emotional outbursts, begging or yelling, Chappell Marsh said.

“These tactics will only shut down the conversation and push your S.O. further away,” she said. “Be calm and clear about your concerns and let your partner know what you need to help you feel secure and reassured.”

2. Express concern over how things have changed.

The best way to begin a dialogue is by simply reflecting on what you’ve observed and how things have changed, Smith said.

“It doesn’t have to start with anything more than that,” he said. “From there, usually over a series of conversations, concerns can be communicated and possible causes can be explored.”

And of course, it never hurts to seek out help from a professional third party.

“It can be very difficult to talk about such an emotionally triggering subject in a productive manner without the help of a trained neutral party,” he said.

3. Be prepared to tell your partner what you’d like to them to do.

Before approaching them, think through what you’d like your partner to change, said Berger.

“Maybe you want them to discontinue contact with the person or to agree to transparency regarding emails and texting,” she said. “Or perhaps, you ask them to see a therapist. That’s a good idea because you can air your concerns in a safe setting.”

And be open to asking your spouse to share what they feel has been missing in their relationship ― “or what makes them feel they need to be emotionally intimate with someone other than you,” Berger said.

4. Come in strong with emotional support and emotional intimacy.

“Believe me: the crush is second choice,” she said. “If you provide the support needed, the other person doesn’t stand a chance. Instead of being angry at your spouse for wanting comfort, take a step back and ask yourself if it’s possible you have been taking your mate for granted. Asking yourself that could make a huge difference.”