43 Married People Confess Why They Stopped Having Sex With Their Spouse
21. She was prescribed several medications that resulted in multiple health issues and is completely asexual.
“We’re both 58 and we’ll be married 38 years in July. Our last intimate encounter took place in August 2002. She was diagnosed with a mental disorder after almost successfully committing suicide during that time frame. She was prescribed several medications that resulted in multiple health issues and is completely asexual. She took care of me and the children in our younger days when I was in the military and frequently deployed. It’s my time to take care of her. She understands I still have needs and would probably look the other way, but I keep my promises.”
22. His low testosterone has slowly taken away his sex drive.
“Low testosterone. It’s slowly taken away his sex drive and has altered him a lot physically and mentally. Our sex life ground to a halt a couple years ago, not long after we got married. However, we’re still happy together and in love and I’m supporting him through it. The desire for a baby seems to be giving him some of his spark back so I think we’re on the up :)”
23. She never initiated and I’m tired of being the only one with a sex drive.
“We’ve been together over three years now. And we stopped just ’cause she never initiated and I’m tired of being the only one with a sex drive. I just feel like my sexual needs are a tiresome burden to her so I don’t even try to anymore.
It doesn’t help the few times we have had sex I have to do all the work. I just don’t feel loved or satisfied if my partner is basically waiting for me to finish.”
24. My husband is not very good at sex and shows no interest in improving.
“The truth: my husband is not very good at sex and shows no interest in improving in a way that will be enjoyable for both of us.
We had very different experience levels when we got together. I’d only had two partners, but one of the relationships was very long-term. He’d had twice that number, but all of the relationships were very short-term. So I knew what I enjoyed. He, it seemed, did not.
No problem. I could teach. I thought it would be OK for him to learn what he liked and what I liked and we’d mesh.
The sad truth? He doesn’t seem to like any of the things I like. Or maybe he doesn’t like sex. Or maybe he doesn’t like sex with me. Hell, I don’t know. And I don’t care anymore.
Because he won’t do the basic stuff. I’m not talking about reciprocal oral sex (though there is that; I love giving and receiving, but guess which is the only one to happen?). I’m talking we’ve been married over five years and he can’t find my clit reliably. As far as I can tell, the only purpose of foreplay, to him, is to arouse himself. If I get going too, great, otherwise oh well. I’m pretty sure I could be a pair of disembodied tits (his fetish thing) and he’d be perfectly happy.
Needless to say, nothing even mildly kinky happens. There has been one thing I introduced that he did more than once, and he took it to such an extreme it was no longer enjoyable for me. Everything else—and this is only mildly naughty Frederick’s of Hollywood stuff—we’d do once, and then never again.
And in spite of all of this, I am the one expected to initiate. By which I mean, when I finally couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, sex stopped. Completely. We have had sex twice in more than a year, and even before that it was once every few months when I broke down and got something going in hopes that maybe a long break would make him at least pretend to care like he did early in our relationship….
You need two people to talk something out, and he will. not. talk. I mean, when I broach the subject of sex, zero words come out of his mouth.
Outside of the bedroom, he’s not a shitty husband. Not great, but not terrible. Still, the specter of having incredibly short, incredibly bad sex a couple of times a year for the rest of my life is depressing as fuck, and once the kids are grown, I am out of here.”
25. Infertility killed my sex drive.
“Infertility killed my sex drive. Trying to have a baby is fun at first, but then every month that it fails it becomes more and more stressful and like a chore tbh. Then it worked! Then I had a miscarriage and my sex drive somehow dropped even more. We still have sex 2-3 days a month near ovulation time. But now the fertility drugs make my ovaries swell? And sex is painful, but we want a family. Good news is I tried a new fertility drug this month and I wanted sex. Turns out a side effect is increased sex drive.”
26. I got tired of swallowing his cum and taking it up the ass.
“He’s only interested in oral or anal these days & to put it as bluntly as possible: I got tired of swallowing his cum and taking it up the ass. We have two great kids and work together as a team in every respect, but he’s pretty much made it clear that he isn’t interested in normal intercourse. At all.
The thing is—I’d happily give an occasional blowjob. I just don’t think it’s fair to have to give him one on demand as often as he likes with no satisfaction in return. When it got to the point where I started looking forward to anal sex because at least then I’d get off, too, I knew it was time to just hang it up. (Plus, he had this habit of making anal sex last for an absurd length of time, and it starts NOT feeling good after a couple of hours—yes, hours—of having your butt penetrated.)
He got pretty upset about it at first, but he refuses to go to any kind of counseling about it. So after many, many arguments I finally just cut him off cold turkey. He did make a few attempts at regular sex, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it, and he could barely maintain any kind of erection. Plus he had this idea that one time trying weakly to have regular sex earned him a couple of weeks of twice-daily blowjobs and anytime anal, and that just didn’t fly. I get that he was making an attempt, but the point isn’t to be willing to do something you hate just because the other person wants it (as much as I hated the frequency/duration/unfairness of everything else we did, I never hated doing those things). The point is to please them by wanting to do it. And he simply isn’t capable of wanting that one thing so I can’t bring myself to do the rest of it.
The sad thing is, I’m sitting here typing this and feeling guilty that I haven’t gotten him off in a really, really long time and considering giving him a few weeks of what he wants just so I can feel like a good person again.”
27. She almost doubled her weight.
“Long-term relationship (5 years). We haven’t done the deed in about a year, haven’t done it regularly in a normal capacity in over 2.
She gained weight. When we met, she was about 130 lbs. Over time she gained weight and is now at 230lbs. Sexual drive dropped off at the same rate as her weight. Don’t get me wrong. Every other aspect of our relationship is great. We make each other laugh, connect emotionally, protect each other, and I still think she has the most beautiful eyes and hair I’ve ever seen. Our relationship isn’t in risk of breaking. But I just can’t bring myself to do it when everything below the head has turned into what it is.
What kills me most about it is how it will affect her health. She never learned good eating habits, because in high school and college she had pretty severe eating disorders. So not only does she eat like crap, it’s a touchy subject that has to be tiptoed around because freaking her out about weight will just cause her to say ‘OK’ and lose 40lbs/month by eating basically nothing.”
28. He withheld sex, said he didn’t feel emotionally connected with me and we would go months without it.
“He withheld sex, said he didn’t feel emotionally connected with me and we would go months without it. I suffered from depression, anxiety…you name it, mostly stemmed from him being a colossal butthole, didn’t seem to process that when he treated me well I was happy, didn’t argue with him, did more around the house, took better care of myself etc. He’d just treat me worse and worse the more depressed I got, the more depressed I got the less connected I felt, he cheated, I got more depressed, he felt less connected, he sought emotional connections elsewhere…it was a vicious circle.”
29. I’ve had ED for about 3 years now.
“I’ve had ED for about 3 years now, I’m 37, she’s 31. She deals with it by making me have sex with her with my limp dick. She claims to enjoy it while I add oral and finger her, but I hate doing it because it feels like a chore and I’m not hard so it’s only certain positions to use. So I try to avoid it as much as I can until she starts to argue and fight about it. I know I need to change my habits…diabetes, fucked up eating, no exercise, and being depressed but it’s really fuckin hard to stay focused on getting right even though I’m killing myself.”
30. I just taught myself to satisfy my own needs even better.
“My husband has a very low sex drive and some issues from his youth regarding physical contact, so we never had much sex. Married 17 years now, we have 1 kid (planned and executed on my request, impressed we made it!). If I remember correctly we last had sex 5 years ago? Thereabouts.
We hug and kiss, and he gives me backrubs and foot massage. But I’ve given up on trying to entice him into anything more.
I am quite sexual and luckily well able to satisfy myself, so that’s what I do. When I was a bit younger I contemplated having an affair due to sexual frustration, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I wouldn’t enjoy it even though he told me he’d understand. So I just taught myself to satisfy my own needs even better.
Maybe we’ll suddenly hit another phase some day when the kid is grown up, or maybe we’ll just go on like this. We love each other, so whatever happens this is the life and the man I chose. I stand by it.”
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