We Only Had Quickie Sex For A Month & This Is How It Went
The Netflix Babysitter
Our first true experiment quickie happened a few days later, after we took the kids to the park on my husband’s day off. By the time we got home, they were totally tuckered out, but since they’ve firmly given up nap time (ugh), we opted to let them have “TV and quiet time” instead (shut up, that’s totally a thing). Normally, we’d take this rare peaceful opportunity to do super exciting things like finish our coffees before they turned cold and check Twitter on our phones, but thanks to our experiment, we realized we could use this brief window of time for something a little more fun.
This is point where I should probably note that we are definitely “we only have sex when the kids are asleep” people. We hadn’t really made that choice on purpose, it just kind of worked out that way, but once we got upstairs for our inaugural quickie, we soon realized that we’d probably made a wise choice saving our sexcapades for after the kids have gone to sleep. We knew it wouldn’t be long until one of the kids started demanding juice, or a snack, or to just know where we were and what we were doing (our children have zero concept of personal space), so we got down to business pretty quickly. At first, having sex while the kids were distracted by the TV seemed like total freaking brilliance — why hadn’t we thought of this before? But as soon as things were getting really good, well, the interruptions started.”Daaaaaddddddyyyyyyy,” our son yelled from the basement. “Where are youuuuuu?”
“Just ignore him, he’s fine,” I urged.
“What if he comes upstairs?”
“He won’t, it’s fine, keep going.”
“OK, you’re right, just block it out.”
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!” our son yelled again.
“OK, nope, can’t do it,” my husband said, the mood totally broken. “I can’t focus knowing he might walk in on us.”
We reluctantly re-dressed just in time for our son to come barging in.
“Daddy! Can I have gummy bears?”
Total quickie fail.
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