Warning: If Your Partner Is Asking You to Do These 10 Things, There’s a BIG Problem
Give up your job
Some men define their masculinity by their ability to be the breadwinner in the relationship, and while that works for some couples, it can hurt others—particularly if he demands that you lessen your talents, abilities, or career prospects in deference to his ego, Dr. Walfish says. Once couples realize there is no prescription for a perfect relationship, then they can open themselves up to happiness they might not have otherwise had. “I have observed couples establish, nurture, and create very happy, successful relationships in which the female partner becomes the primary breadwinner and the male partner brings in a significantly smaller figure income but shores up the difference by picking up extra load in homemaking, taking care of the children, cooking, and other household duties,” she says. (Not to mention that women often make the best bosses, according to recent research!)
Try bondage in the bedroom
Sex is a such an intimate act, and your partner should always be respectful of your wants and needs in the bedroom—and that includes not coercing or shaming you into doing something you’re not interested in, Dr. Pathak says. “If you have already said no to a sexual act, whatever it is, your partner should refrain from asking you over and over,” she says. This type of badgering shows that your partner doesn’t respect you and puts their sexual needs over your personal comfort and safety. (And forcing you to do something sexual is rape, regardless of whether or not you are married.) If you are interested in spicing things up in the bedroom but you’re just not sure how, try these nine ways to improve your sex life.
Forbid you from talking about something
Whether it’s their mother, their ex, or their Princess Leia fantasies, everyone has difficult topics they’d rather avoid talking about. But avoiding talking about things that affect both people in the relationship can be incredibly damaging, especially if your partner denies your right to your feelings, Dr. Kerulis says. “Your partner should never ask you to not talk about your feelings. Holding things in is simply toxic, while talking things through allows you to get to the root of a problem,” she says. Often people see difficult conversations as nagging or button-pushing but that doesn’t mean the conversations shouldn’t happen, rather that you may need to get counseling to help learn better communication skills. Oh, and your partner should never ask you to “stop crying” or say things like “you can’t get mad.” Your feelings are your feelings.
Put up with abuse from their family
Dealing with in-laws can be tricky, and there are often landmines already built into your relationship. But while you do need to respect your partner’s relationship with his or her family, that doesn’t mean you have to accept being insulted, demeaned, ignored, or otherwise hurt, says Julienne Derichs, a licensed counselor and relationship expert at Couples Counseling Today . “Your partner should not ask you to ignore the rude or disrespectful things their friends or family say to you. Your partner is the guide for how your loved ones treat you, so if they let them get away with treating you badly you don’t have a chance; and if they ask you to ‘just let it go,’ it won’t get any better,” she says. “Your partner needs to stand up for you and should not ask you to ignore bad behavior.”
Break up with your best friend
Your partner may not love, or even like, your sister, your maid of honor, or your childhood friend, but they should still respect your relationship with them. Your partner should never ask you to choose between them and someone else you love or demand that you cut ties with friends or family simply because he or she does not like certain people, says Jennifer C. Walton, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. It’s appropriate for them to tell you their feelings and to point out how they perceive those people to be negatively affecting you, but ultimately the decision of who stays in your life is up to you. (And if you have let things get bad with your siblings, here are 11 ways to reconnect with your family.)
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