The 15 Strangest Marriage Questions People Have Ever Asked the Internet
Be honest: Does having kids ruin your marriage?
Asking the question that’s on all potential parents’ minds, this person is seeking the Internet’s collective wisdom about procreating. The questioner also depressingly adds, “Most married couples with kids that I know are like platonic roommates. I feel like kids are like little intruders in your relationship.” But the Internet immediately found the flaw in this question: “Well, you’re asking for honesty here the is the first problem, no parent is actually going to come out and say having kids ruined their marriage.” Guess this will remain a mystery! It’s not just marriage that suffers: Here’s what parents of young children really want you to know.
Do you think my wife is cheating on me?
The Internet knows many things, but it has yet to find a definitive answer to this age-old question of why infidelity exists. Still, that doesn’t stop people from trying! The questioner pointed out that he doesn’t have any proof but his wife often takes more than 30 minutes to come home from work, wants her own checking account, and is sick of him going through her phone like she’s a criminal. So either she is cheating—or just wants freedom like any adult Are you a victim of infidelity? Here are 15 steps to survive being cheated on.
Should I pay more because I earn more money?
Here, the questioner upends gender stereotypes by making more money than her future husband. Her fiancé suggested that because she brings home a bigger paycheck, she should pay more of the bills. Puzzled, she turned to the Internet, wondering if that’s fair. Fair or not, many readers pointed out that that’s how the world works sometimes, with one user advising helpfully, “Maybe it’s time to stop thinking of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ and start thinking of ‘ours’.” Or find a new fiancé ? If you have financial problems in your marriage, here’s how to stop the arguing.
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Should husbands allow wives to have their own cellphones?
Should a husband allow his wife to drive a car? Manage a bank account? Fly on an airplane? Wait, what century is this? From this question, it seems this man isn’t quite sure how the modern world (or relationships) work, but, luckily, the Internet is here to help. One responder, perhaps thinking of the previous infidelity question, advises that yes, of course the wife should have a cellphone… and they should sign up for detailed billing. As long as it goes both ways! In other news, here’s how to keep your cell phone secure—perhaps from overzealous spouses?
What exactly is the point of getting married?
One person cuts straight to the heart of all marriage questions, asking what’s the point of getting a “meaningless piece of paper?” Readers fired back that if the questioner thinks all marriage is a meaningless piece of paper then they clearly aren’t mature enough to understand the commitment of getting married. “Someday perhaps you will be able to understand the difference between deciding to care for one another and making the commitment to do so,” answered one helpful, presumably married, soul. For those in a less serious frame of mind, check out our best jokes about marriage.
How do I take off my wife’s underwear?
This question might fall under the category of “If you have to ask you, may not be ready for the answer.” But people bravely gave it a go, offering up their most hilarious responses. Our favorite: “You shouldn’t have tried to squeeze into them in the first place, man.”
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What is the number one reason couples divorce?
If the answer to why people divorce was this simple, marriage counselors everywhere would be out of business. As it is, we’re left with the fact that human relationships are complicated, messy, and confusing. One reader, however, points out there is one thing all failed marriages have in common: “Marriage! You can’t get divorced if you don’t get married first.” He does have a point. Read up on 15 things this divorce lawyer wants all married couples to know.
My parents won’t speak to my wife, what should I do?
In-law problems are not uncommon, but this question is a doozy when you consider the rest of the story—that the husband’s parents won’t speak to his wife even when they’re in the same room with her… and they’ve just announced they’re coming to stay for two weeks. The wife, understandably not excited about two weeks of the silent treatment in her own home, is demanding he do something. The husband doesn’t understand why this is a problem. One helpful reader hit on the perfect solution: Send the wife away on an all-expenses paid luxury vacation and he can stay in the apartment alone with his grudge-holding parents. Win-win! In-laws won’t talk to you either? Decode their silence with 26 things your mother-in-law won’t tell you.
Is it cool to have separate bedrooms in a marriage?
Having separate bedrooms hasn’t been cool since the 50s (and we’re not sure it was even cool then), but one husband loves his separate space and wants to keep sleeping solo. His wife? Not so much. Who’s right, he asks. This question makes a lot more sense when you discover he’s only 26 (she’s 37) and he loves collecting movie posters, fantasy creature figurines, and other “cool” stuff. Oh and he likes to mess around on his computer late at night. Get this man a dorm room, stat!
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Does marriage counseling actually help?
A person who isn’t sure about paying a stranger to give him marriage advice asks strangers on the Internet to give him marriage advice for free. “In the U.K., counseling is regarded as a weakness,” he writes. “I would prefer a gypsy. You are asked to put all your cards on the table in front of a money-grabbing third party anyhow. Even then I need a few drinks first.” A reader points out, correctly, that with that attitude neither the counselor nor the gypsy will work. Good luck with those tarot cards! Or check out these things marriage counselors can tell about your relationship.
Why does my pregnant wife like to lay on me all day?
Pregnancy can make the sanest of women do many strange things—eat ice cream and pickles, compulsively buy stuffed elephants, call their mothers—but this husband is confused about something, well, not very strange. He asks why his wife always wants to cuddle with him all day. One astute reader asks, “Wait, why aren’t you at work all day?” Another readers asks, “Why would the Internet know? Have you asked her?” This couple clearly has bigger problems than cuddling.
Why can’t my husband do anything right?
“I’m 28 and have five young kids with my husband, who is 30,” starts one woman. “He tells stupid jokes all the time and leaves the house a mess. He’s so lazy and just leaves a mess around the house. He works and I take care of the house and kids. Why can’t he do anything right?” Well, if you have five kids clearly he’s doing one thing right! (Which might explain how he gets away with all the other stuff.)
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How can I get my fat, lazy wife to work on losing weight?
That sound you just heard was the sound of every female eyebrow in America raising at the same time. One woman sets him straight: “Maybe if you start talking about her with more respect and with higher regard, she might feel like she actually has a man worth looking good for.” Mic drop!
If both spouses have the same last name, would the wife hyphenate it, repeating it twice? Would he?
This highly specific question likely has an answer—that is specific to maybe one couple. Are you guys sure you’re not already related?
My wife keeps farting, what should I do? (And it really smells)
Turns out ladies do pass gas! And they probably poop too. But this questioner is wondering what he can do about his wife’s flatulence, and the Internet has answers. One person suggests claiming that he also has gas so she will feel free to open up. Another says to ignore it. But a third person wins with their suggestion of playing “1, 2, 3, 4… I declare a fart war (couples edition).” What your farts are saying about your health.
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