Dear Wives: It’s Not Petty To Expect Your Husband To Complete Household Chores
Because men, in general, don’t think about this shit. At all. (CALM DOWN, I said “in general.” If you or your husband is part of the 10–20% who’ve managed to evolve beyond this point, I’m not talking about you. Please accept the truth that you are an outlier, and don’t hate-email me about how what a sand-packed-vagina feminist I am.)
You know what this is? I’m labeling it. It’s micro-laziness.
It’s a subtler form of the more overt, unforgivable laziness of previous generations, though it’s maybe even more frustrating and malignant because it’s harder to complain about. Stop whining, at least he’s trying. We’ve come so far. But at potluck dinners, men aren’t helping with the cleanup. They’re all watching the game, or with their head tipped against the back of the couch, mouth agape, snoring off their sugar high while the women retreat to the kitchen.
And we’re supposed to be grateful they manned the grill (while the women made 12 side dishes and watched the kids).
When they do the dishes in the sink, but leave the dirty pots on the stove to cement overnight, we’re supposed to be grateful they at least did something.
When mom is away for the evening, and they let the kids destroy the house, eat shit for dinner, and fall asleep wherever they may fall rather than carrying out the bedtime routine, we are supposed to be grateful that they flew solo for a whole four hours.
We’re not supposed to notice micro-laziness, because these days, men change diapers and do dishes sometimes, or even a lot of times. We’re encouraged to thank today’s men for doing so much more than their predecessors. We must not make fathers the butt of jokes, must not say anything that would make them look incompetent, or embarrass them, or show a lack of gratitude.
This is societal gaslighting: He’s doing more than his or your father ever did, so you should just be grateful. If you can’t see that, you’re crazy. You’re a nag. You’re a bitch. You’re an accountant.
But we need to keep complaining because we’re not done yet. Complaining won’t ruin your marriage, ladies, if your only gripe is that you want to share a more equal workload. You’re allowed to expect this of him, and he’s strong enough to handle it, and your marriage (and life) will be better for it.
