Attachment styles are patterns in how people seek closeness, handle conflict and respond to stress in close relationships. Psychologists often describe four broad styles in adults: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized (sometimes called fearful-avoidant). They’re tendencies, not diagnoses or labels for life, and most people show a mix. Understanding yours and your spouse’s style can…
A toxic relationship is one in which the patterns between you regularly leave one or both people feeling drained, anxious, disrespected or smaller than they were. The signs are usually less about one dramatic event and more about a steady drip: constant criticism, contempt, guilt-tripping, drama, keeping score, jealousy and a feeling that you’re always…
Marriage counseling can work, and research on couples therapy generally finds that many couples who attend report meaningful improvement in their relationship, especially when both partners are willing, the counselor is well matched and they start before resentment is deeply entrenched. It isn’t magic, and it doesn’t work for everyone. Outcomes depend on how motivated…
Caring for a sick spouse can deepen a marriage and also strain it to the limit. Many caregiving spouses feel love, grief, exhaustion, guilt, resentment and loneliness, sometimes all in a day. The most important things you can do are to share the burden, ask for and accept help, protect your own health, keep communicating…
What women want in a husband varies from person to person, but the qualities wives most often describe are consistent: someone who is kind and respectful, listens, is honest and reliable, shares the work of home and family, shows affection, supports her goals and makes her feel safe. Looks and money rarely top the list…
To talk to your husband without him getting defensive, start gently, describe the situation and your feelings instead of his flaws, make one specific request, choose a calm moment, and show that you’re on his side. Defensiveness is usually a response to feeling attacked or criticized, so the way you open the conversation matters more…
Stonewalling is when one partner shuts down during conflict: going silent, giving one-word answers, avoiding eye contact, leaving the room or acting as if the other person isn’t there. It’s often a way of coping with feeling overwhelmed, but it leaves the other partner feeling ignored and shut out. Relationship researcher John Gottman identified stonewalling…
ADHD can strain a marriage when its symptoms, such as forgetfulness, distractibility, impulsivity, disorganization and difficulty with time, are misread as not caring. A spouse may feel ignored, overburdened or like a parent, while the partner with ADHD may feel criticized and ashamed. The good news is that couples who understand ADHD, get appropriate treatment…
Gray divorce is the term for divorce among couples who are 50 or older, often after decades of marriage. Researchers who study marriage have reported that divorce among older adults has become more common than it was a generation ago, and a growing share of people divorcing are in midlife and beyond. The reasons are…
Whether you should get a divorce depends on questions only you can answer: Is your marriage safe? Is there still respect and willingness on both sides? Have you tried to change what’s broken? Can you imagine a future that feels livable if you stay, and one that feels livable if you leave? This guide offers…