43 Married People Confess Why They Stopped Having Sex With Their Spouse
38. She laughed at me when I said I wanted more sex.
“I’ve been married around 12 years. Married at 19, house, 2 kids, nice cars. Not wealthy but our household income is over 100k. So we don’t starve. Sex hasn’t ever really been great. I joke she’s done it at least twice. After our second I took a hardcore back seat to pretty much everything. I would work 12-14 hours then coach youth soccer like she asked. A few months ago, I had enough. I told her I wanted to have sex more and it had really been bothering me. I didn’t feel wanted and I felt rejected. So, she laughed and said…you can always get yourself off. It didn’t sit well with me. I packed a bag that week and left. I’ve been gone now, 1.5 months. One of the better decisions I’ve made. I’ve saved a ton of money and have been really able to reflect on life. She suddenly is all about making me happy though. Maybe because daddy war bucks is gone. I have a hard time placing it. But she struggles from low self-image. I was understanding for a long time. But if I can work myself to death doing what she asks…she doesn’t need to laugh at my wants.”
39. Due to physical problems she doesn’t enjoy sex, so it feels like I’m raping her.
“Well, it’s a bit of a sore spot for me if I’m being honest. I love my wife, but due to medication and other physical problems she doesn’t enjoy sex. In fact, because of her germ problems it sort of disgusts her. Her body will respond very well, but mentally she can’t get into it and doesn’t enjoy it. So it basically felt like I was raping her, which isn’t so fun (I have a darker side and that sort of thing pushes me closer than I’d like to falling down that hole again). So I try not to bring it up, but due to my past choices and my libido running at the speed of a Ferrari, if I don’t have sex at least every day it causes me physical pain. It’s been about five months, and she’s getting upset with me for how distant I seem. So I try and do things to remind her I love her, like buy her flowers once a month, make her gifts, wrote her poetry/stories, etc. I even managed to snag tickets to the premiere of beauty and the beast. It’s something I have to deal with on my side and she has to deal with on hers. I wish I could help her, but I can’t. So there’s the basics of it.”
40. She has never had a sex drive and when we do have sex, it’s the same script every time.
“I’ve been married for 18 years. I tell her I want to break up about every 3 years or so but she convinces me to try again. We get on okay outside of the bedroom but not great and have never had a sex life to speak of. I would guess we have sex maybe every 4-6 weeks (I masturbate typically at least once a day).
She has never had a sex drive and when we do have sex, it’s the same script every time (I go down on her while she lies there until she coums, then she lies there while I stick it in until I cum). She has no interest in trying anything else and refuses to even consider offering me oral as she considers it ‘dirty.’ I can’t even begin to tell you at 40 years old, how curious I am about what a BJ would feel like.
I am and have always been a super unattractive guy, she is the only one who would sleep with me at all, so it’s not even a case where I could leave and find someone new, it’s really where I just get so weary of the relationship I’d rather live the rest of my life alone than with her.
She is very attached to me (she loves me deeply, I know this) and whenever I try to break up with her it is just devastating to her and I don’t have the heart to go through with it.
I’ve read ‘too good to leave, too bad to stay’ and if you think of it as a 10-point scale where 1 is, ‘LEAVE! GET OUT NOW!’ and 10 is, ‘You need this relationship, cling to it forever,’ then I’m at a 4, ready to leave but she’s at a 9 and desperately needs the relationship to continue.
Despite lack of bedroom stuff, I love her and just can’t bring myself to do that to her.
Honestly, it’s reached a point now where I’m just waiting for my parents to pass on. Once they’re gone I plan to leave my wife, travel somewhere they don’t know me and just end it (I haven’t decided yet whether to go somewhere like South America where I can find the right drugs and an unvisited part of the forest and just disappear or whether to go to a certain country in Europe where you can pay about $8-$10k and they’ll end your life for you legally in a hospital).”
41. He’s made it pretty clear that he’s more interested in anal than anything else, while I’ve rarely found pleasure in.
“He’s made it pretty clear that he’s more interested in anal than anything else, while I’ve rarely found pleasure in it (only thought it was ok when very drunk). He’s said things to me like ‘I’ve never dated anybody who didn’t like it, most girls I know like it, you’re so lame, you’ve liked it before (referring to when I was drunk)’ to try and manipulate me into it I guess. I tried to be open minded, I tried to like it, but I just can’t. It makes regular sex really annoying because he only seems interested in positions that give him a view of my butt. So I’ve grown resentful, I don’t find sex with him fun, and I learned that I could get him to help with chores if I offered anal (which I know is not a healthy thing to do in a relationship, but shit’s gotta get done and I’m only one person).
So there’s that, on top of some issues I have with his behavior outside of sex which have made me slowly lose respect for him. He doesn’t help much with chores, at 31 he is only now learning how to pay bills and use a bank (I had been doing it for the past 10 years, all the while asking him to get more involved, until recently when I found myself very depressed and he had to try and figure it out), he’s too insecure to have honest conversations about our relationship or problems we have, he refused to go to couple’s therapy, he’s often patronizing, brags a lot, and interrupts me (and others) when in conversation.
All that said, he’s not a terrible person. I feel bad painting a picture of some monster. He has great qualities too; he’s very smart, friendly, attractive, and loyal. But the negatives are starting to outweigh the positives when it comes to my attraction to him.”
42. He is very cold to me.
“Hello people. Long story short, my husband does not engage or touch me anymore. We have been together for 11 years and married for nine.
He is aware this is a big problem but refuses to do anything about it. For example, last week he had an interview and did really well (so he thought) so I came home early from work, freshened up, put in the black lacy nightie he bought for me a few weeks ago and waited for him…when he got home he said that he was all dressed up and would rather go to dinner. He could not be bothered with getting redress if we has sex.
I have not been touched in many months. He is very cold to me. I have been a loving and faithful wife and have a feeling that now things are going well for me career wise he is actively trying to sabotage our relationship by trying to manipulate me in order to mitigate the control he has lost over me since I have my own money and sources of income now.
I was an ARMY wife, student, and stay at home mother for a time while he was deployed and injured. Now that he is out (med retirement) I feel like we are now useless to him since he does not need the loving wife and child image anymore to forward his career. I feel like we are a throw away family that he does not need anymore.
He refuses to talk about this, get counseling, or attempt to help us in anyway. I am falling out of love with him day by day and all he can seem to do is ignore me, and our daughter.
He does not kiss me, he does not touch me, he does not ask me how I am doing, he certainly does not have sex with me anymore. It is like I am living with a roommate and I absolutely hate it. We had our beautiful days too, but no more.”
43. My wife lost her sex drive because of depression.
“My wife lost her sex drive because of depression. Even when she was happy again it didn’t come back. Whenever she was in the mood, it would go away before we’d even start. 5 times in the past year and a half. She just left me so I could find someone better…”
