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Who's more important, your spouse or your children

I’ve heard a couple of different perspectives on this matter, but I’m interested to hear more. In a marriage, assuming that children physically safe, who takes priority in your life - your spouse or your children? Which relationship do you put more energy into?

I realize this isn’t a black or white decision and that not all situations are one size fits all but I’m interested in your thoughts.


It depends on the circumstances. Most parents soon find that the needs of a baby are overwhelming, and that a child between 0 to about 3 does take priority over the spouse. At 4, they can usually attend some kind of school program (if parents can afford to pay), and the child is usually potty trained and out of diapers, eating solids, sleeping through the night, etc. Anyone who thinks that a newborn doesn't take priority over a spouse has never had a baby, obviously.

Having children (can be) hard work. The relationship dynamics (sometimes) have to change, unless you can afford external help/have a generous network of family and friends who will help out on a regular basis it is very hard to adjust to fulfilling the needs of an adult, and the needs of children. You can't just think about the physical safety of your child, you're responsible for their well being (emotional and physical). Ideally your partner realizes that, as an independent adult in a marriage where young children (and even older children) are present, their needs will sometimes have to take a backseat.